


Be Prepared!

by longhairshortfuse



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Family Dynamics, Gen, Homophobia, Implied Masturbation, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Gore, Night Vale Scouts, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 22:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 37,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2523569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longhairshortfuse/pseuds/longhairshortfuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil's not keen on joining Scouts but his best friend has already been drafted and he should be supportive, right?</p><p>In addition to earning badges and keeping out of trouble, mostly, the boys have to cope with family, a changing friendship and - urgh - school. </p><p>This fic assumes that the Night Vale Scouts Association has absolutely no affiliation with anything Baden-Powell started.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sneaking and Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something unusual about Mr Payne the PE teacher.

"Cecil, are you ready? Let me look at you."  
Cecil stepped out of his front door to meet his friend. Nervously, it was his first day after all, he presented himself for inspection.  
"Almost right. Come here."  
Cecil walked over and allowed the other boy to adjust his sash.  
"It'll do for now. It will look so much better once you have some badges on it. Come on."  
The older boy, but not by much as they were in the same year at school, strode out as Cecil half-jogged to keep up.  
"Earl, slow down!"  
"Ha! Scout's pace, Palmer!" 

Earl had been a scout for eight months before he persuaded Cecil to join too. He had a good crop of badges already sewn onto his sash and he seemed to know all the rules. He proudly pushed Cecil over to meet the Scoutmaster.  
"Whatcha' brought me, Harlan?"  
"This is Cecil, Scoutmaster, the friend I said was going to join."  
"Huh. You brought me a small 'un. You look after him good for now and we'll see what he's made of in due course."  
"Thank you Scoutmaster!"  
They saluted each other. Cecil stared until Earl nudged him and he performed a salute that made Earl roll his eyes and the Scoutmaster hide a laugh.  
"I guess I better teach you the salute before the other scouts see that."  
Cecil watched and copied until Earl said it would do for now. 

The other scouts were curious. A few knew Cecil from school or from having seen him hanging around with Earl, but to most he was a stranger. He was certainly strange.  
"How old are you?"  
"Eleven and a half. I'm in the sixth grade, opposite class to Earl's."  
"Where do you live?"  
"With my mom and my brother and my sister, just round the block from Earl. The house with the broken..."  
"You look funny."  
"Do I? I don't have a mirror. Mom won't have them in the house."  
"Your mom's weird." 

The Scoutmaster called everyone to order and they sang. At least Earl did, Cecil stood bemused as others mimed. Cecil was not expected to do much other than shadow Earl on his first night. Earl told Cecil about his badges.  
"Look, this one is _controlled pyromania._ " He pointed to a patch showing orange flames within a box. "This is _economy gastronomy,_ " what looked like embroidered roadkill, "and this is _basic restraint._ You helped with that, remember?" He pointed to a patch with a knotted rope design. Cecil did remember, Earl had trussed him up and tickled him helpless until he threatened to wet himself on Earl's carpet. It wasn't completely awful but it took him a while to calm down afterwards. Earl's mom had rescued him, laughing so hard at his plight that she got hiccups. Cecil liked Earl's mom, she was nice and never tried to hug him. She let him hide under her bed with the cat until he felt like coming out and Earl said sorry. He didn't much like Earl's dad but Earl loved him so he must be okay.  
"Tonight we're starting a new badge so you can work on it too, we can get it together. It's _sneaking and listening._ You up for that?"  
"Yeah! I'd love to sneak up on my brother and sister and find out what they are whispering about all the time." 

There was an older scout, his badges declared him to be a blood-pact scout, who taught them some basic sneaking techniques and explained the test they would have to pass to get the badge.  
"You need to sneak up on someone like your mom or dad or a teacher, memorise what they are saying and sneak away again without getting caught. Get them to sign a note to say you did it right. If you can sneak up on me or the Scoutmaster you get extra credit."  
Earl, of course, wanted extra credit. Cecil planned to sneak up on his P.E. teacher, Mr Payne. He was always disappearing off during lessons, setting the classes against each other with the prefects left in charge.  
"I know what we should do," Earl announced, "we should practise all week, every night, then next week I'll help you sneak up on Mr Payne during PE and later you can help me sneak up on the Scoutmaster. Deal?"  
"Deal!" 

Every morning Earl sneaked up to Cecil's front door to find Cecil sneakily behind him. They sneaked to school and sneaked into the canteen before it opened. They sneaked up to the head of the queue at lunchtime and sneakily pushed in, winning a sneaky slap from a vigilant prefect on the first day. They sneaked home again and sneaked into Cecil's house to do their homework. Cecil complained that he'd rather sneak out of doing homework but Earl shook his head.  
"Don't wanna look suspicious. Your sister will know we're up to something if we don't do our homework together."  
"Oh, I get it. Swapsies? You do my math and I'll do your history?"  
"Yeah. Here you go, can you do my handwriting a bit better? I got in trouble last week."  
"I'll try. Lemme see," Cecil practised on a scrap of paper. "That better?"  
Earl nodded and grinned.  
"I hope there's a badge for forgery. You're brilliant."  
Cecil smiled and wrote carefully in Earl's history book. 

The day they had agreed to do their official sneaking arrived. Cecil had already sneaked up on his sister and memorised a snippet of a phone call that was mostly sickening gush with lots of embarrassing _oh darling, I miss you_ and _I want to kiss you so much_ and he did _not_ want to see her reaction to her little brother reciting that back to her.  
Earl had sneaked up on his parents once but... Urgh, why would people do that to each other! He'd seen it on TV but nothing on TV was real, right? He desperately hoped that he had sneaked away quietly enough to avoid any awkward questions. Cecil told him about his sister's phone call, making a funny face and putting on a dopey expression as he impersonated her voice.  
In turn, Earl told Cecil about his own embarrassing success. Cecil went wide-eyed and red.  
"I know they must have done it, they had me, but I didn't think they _did it,_ you know? I mean, they're _old!"_  
"Oh no, Earl, if they find out you'll get _the talk_ and that's just awful. Mom tried with me but gave up and told my brother to tell me stuff. We agreed not to but to tell her we did."  
Earl groaned.  
"Urgh. I want to know stuff but I don't want to hear it from _my parents!"_  
"I know, right?" 

They waited for an opportunity during PE. When Mr Payne slipped away, Earl distracted the prefects with a particularly bloody tackle, bringing down two other boys then apologising profusely and helping them up as the prefects promised violence. By the time the commotion had settled, Cecil was gone.  
Earl was up for a challenge. At the next opportunity he slipped away to see if he could sneak up on Cecil.  
Cecil tracked Mr Payne down to the staffroom. As the door opened to let out a waft of fumes and a music teacher, Cecil sneaked in. He sneaked behind the line of chairs until he was right behind the PE teacher. He looked carefully up, down, left, right, forward, back... There was Earl!  
Cecil signalled at Earl, a grin then a finger over his lips. He stood up slowly, halfway, peering over the back of the chair that sheltered Mr Payne. The PE teacher was mumbling to himself.  
 _Mmhmm fire me would they? Mmhmm see 'bout that. I'll show 'em fire. Discrimination mmhmm oughta be a law against it..._  
Cecil signalled to Earl to retreat and they returned, giggling, to the field where the prefects were patiently explaining the rules of the game through the medium of physical intimidation.  
Mr Payne returned at the end of the hour. Once dressed properly, Cecil went to see the unfortunate teacher with Earl trailing as backup.  
"Mr Payne, sir, can I ask you a question?" 

"Wait, boy, you _saw_ me?"  
"Yessir. In the staffroom. It was for a scout badge."  
"You _saw_ me. And all you want is for me to sign a note?"  
"Yessir, for my scout badge."  
"You didn't notice anything... alarming? Unusual?"  
"Nosir, nothing. Can you sign for me?"  
Cecil held out a pen and a handwritten _certificate of sneakification_ that he had designed himself. The teacher frowned and signed it.  
"Nothing else, boy?"  
"Sir, I hope you don't get fired for turning into a demon on Wednesdays." 

Mr Payne blinked a few times as Cecil shuffled his feet and studied the floor.  
"Turn into a... Boy, what's your name?"  
"Palmer, sir, Cecil Palmer."  
"Palmer. Who is the reprobate lurking by the corner?"  
Cecil looked round.  
"That's Earl Harlan sir. He's a scout too."  
"Did he see?"  
"Yes sir."  
"Huh. And you're both okay with it?"  
Cecil looked up. "Yes sir." 

Mr Payne insisted that both boys accompany him to the principal's office. They didn't mind, after PE usually Cecil's teacher made him calm down by sitting in silence cross-legged on the carpet in a corner with plain grey/green walls while across the corridor Earl's teacher made the class learn a new chant.  
Cecil explained to the principal that although Mr Payne was clearly inhuman, he was probably more humane than the prefects and could he please be allowed to teach their class properly instead of hiding in the staffroom until his manifestation passed. Earl chipped in now and then with ideas about how useful Mr Payne's tentacles would be in the context of pitching or expressive arts like dance, which was to be made a compulsory part of the curriculum according to the sixth grade rumour mill.  
The principal was impressed.  
"Cecil, that's quite a persuasive voice you have there. Look after it. Earl, you have a particularly practical mind. That can be a dangerous thing, young man, be careful how you use it. Now go back to class, Mr Payne and I have a discussion ahead of us." 

That evening, Earl sneaked up on the Scoutmaster so successfully that he earned an extra badge for _silent espionage_ which was the logical next step. All the boys who passed were presented with their badges in a ceremony at the end of the scout meeting, which involved the traditional enthusiastic chant of _you suck, badgeless losers_ to motivate the boys who did not earn their badge.  
Cecil held the fabric patch tightly in his hand as he walked home with Earl.  
"You're a proper scout, Cecil! You got a badge already and it's only your second week. That's awesome! Remember to sew it on the edge of your sash so there's plenty of room for all the other badges you're going to get."  
"Thanks Earl, but you got two badges! You're a natural at this stuff. I bet I'll need help with the next badge. _Herbal remedies_ sounds a bit lame."  
Earl snorted.  
"I know, right? See you tomorrow."  
They reached Cecil's door. By the time it banged shut behind him, his friend was already round the corner. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any ideas for Night Vale style scout badges (and are willing to let me write a couple of thousand words about it) please leave a comment!
> 
> BTW this fic will, for reasons of age, be absolutely smutless. At least until they're older and then I am not going into detail.


	2. Subversive Copy-Editor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cecil, he's not good at the kind of badge work Earl likes.  
> There must be something in the handbook he can do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technology. Uh-huh.  
> I'm placing this in the early 1990s where mobile phones were enormous, out of most people's price range and a bit shit tbh, email was something you might have access to if you worked in a university and computers had black screens with green writing. The internet existed but was a long, long way from the wonder it has become! Oh yeah, and schools didn't have cctv everywhere.

Cecil sighed as he adjusted his sash. Two badges. After earning a badge on his second week he assumed he'd have caught up with Earl by now. But he discovered that being a successful scout was difficult. He only got his _herbal remedy_ badge because Earl's mom spent almost a whole Saturday teaching him the differences between basil and belladonna, dill and digitalis, and, finally, lettuce and laburnum. They were all the same to Cecil, just green stuff that sprouted from dirt. By the time Earl and his dad got home, Cecil could almost be trusted not to poison anyone by accident. Earl's mom made dinner, tactfully turning down Cecil's enthusiastic offer of assistance. 

Since then he had failed three more badges. He sighed again, fingered the stitching on his badges and wondered if ripping them off would be rude. Just as his finger hooked around his first badge, the door rattled and Earl's face appeared.  
"Hey Cecil! You weren't outside so I came in. Door was open. Is that okay?"  
Cecil took his hand away from his badges.  
"Yeah, I was thinking I shouldn't be a scout."  
"Cecil! You _have_ to be a scout with me. You like the meetings, right? And there's camp soon where you get to be a scout all day long for a whole week!"  
Cecil thought for a moment. He liked the structure of the meetings, they ran to a predictable pattern. A week of routine sounded reassuring.  
"Yeah, I like the meetings I guess. But I'm no good at badges and stuff and I hate that _loser_ chant when I don't get a badge."  
"Well, maybe we've just not been working on the right badges for you. Want me to ask the Scoutmaster if we can look at the handbook and pick the next badge?"  
Cecil smiled at Earl. Earl always knew how to make him feel better. 

The Scoutmaster frowned. Earl was a minute late and was dragging Cecil rather than leading him. That was not suitable behaviour for a future Scoutmaster. He waited until the end of the meeting, at which Cecil proved himself as inept at firefighting as he had been at firelighting, and called Earl over.  
"Harlan!"  
Earl jumped to attention then ran over, stopping the regulation four feet away and snapping out a salute.  
"Scoutmaster?"  
"At ease, scout. What's up with Palmer?"  
Earl relaxed with his hands behind his back.  
"He says he's not a good scout because he's only gotten two badges. Scoutmaster, can I see the list in the handbook and pick one he can do?"  
"Only Scoutmasters are allowed to see the full list, Harlan."  
Earl's face fell.  
"But sir, he said he wants to quit."  
"If he can't get his _bloodstone circles_ and _ritual chanting_ badges within a year he'll be asked to quit. Hmm. You're both good at sneaking, yes?"  
"Yes, scoutmaster."  
"I will tidy up over _here_ with my handbook just over _there_ for ten minutes. Dismissed."  
Earl grinned and was gone. 

It was difficult to choose. There were so many badges within Cecil's talents that Earl had not heard of before. They chattered excitedly all the way home and stood outside Cecil's house grinning and babbling at each other until his brother yelled out the window to shut them up.  
"I really want _subversive radio host_ but it's too hard."  
"What about _subversive copy-editor_? You could join the school newsletter."  
Cecil nodded enthusiastically at Earl's suggestion. Earl laughed.  
"I'm glad you're not quitting scouts. This is fun. Oh! I know! I could do _breaking and entering_ to get you secrets to sneak into the newsletter. You know, from the Principal's desk."  
"Earl, that's really..." Cecil was going to say _dangerous_ but settled for, "...awesome!"  
They shook hands on their plan. 

Cecil practised for his _subversive copy-editor_ badge by doing two of the things he most enjoyed: reading and writing. He read indiscriminately, exhausting the school library's stock of reading matter deemed suitable for sixth graders within an afternoon, raiding his brother's room and his sister's room for anything interesting and finally his mother's room.  
He found plenty.  
His brother had a stack of what he called _graphic novels_ and his sister called _comics._ Cecil devoured them, in order, a little shocked by the casual violence and concerned that the female superheroes might be a little chilly in those uncomfortable looking costumes.  
His sister had a collection of paperbacks in a box under her bed that proclaimed themselves to be _classics._ Cecil decided that meant _stories about people who had a rough time in the olden days._ He kept a couple that looked interesting from the bottom of the box.  
His mom had a box-file full of papers. He leafed through, careful to keep them in order. There were birth certificates, death certificates, legal documents he couldn't understand and one old, crackly parchment with the heading _Official Prophecy._  
When he read it, he let the other papers slip carelessly from his hand.  
He set the prophecy aside and tidied up best he could, replacing the box-file at the back of the top shelf of his mom's wardrobe.  
He kept the prophecy. Earl _had_ to see that. 

The school newsletter group members were only too glad to have help. The chairperson, an eighth grader called Leann, gave Cecil a spelling and handwriting test and declared him very welcome on the team.  
"I'm editor and chief reporter because I'm going to be a newspaper editor one day. You are junior reporter and copy-editor so you check the spelling and grammar of anything that students give us to print. You won't find any errors in _my_ stuff so don't waste time checking that."  
Cecil smiled.  
"Okay, can I start right away?"  
"Sure, here are some stories from the seventh graders. Pick one you like, edit it, write up a fair copy. Unless you can type. Can you type?"  
Cecil shook his head.  
"Shame. The principal said we can have a computer with a word processor program if we know how to use it. Says the future is electronic. Don't see why."  
Cecil sat on the floor and started reading through stories. He found one that was perfect. 

Meanwhile, Earl was busy too. He followed the Scoutmaster's instructions on how to make his own lock picks and disguised them as a charm bracelet. He practised on every lock he could, becoming adept at breaking in to his own house, his dad's car, his neighbour's garage and Cecil's house. On Sunday, Cecil returned from running errands to find Earl lounging on his bed reading one of his sister's classics.  
"Hi Cecil, hope you don't mind, I was practising lock picking. This book is really boring. Got anything more realistic? I like survival stories."  
Cecil shrugged.  
"I thought it was a survival story, sort of."  
"Urgh, it's all wrong. I mean, why would you pick someone to be your leader just because they can sing? And that bit with the pig was just silly. They'd've starved."  
"Oh? Well, they weren't scouts like you."  
"Like us."  
"Yeah, like us." 

They decided Tuesday was best for the break in at the Principal's office. Cecil would keep watch and write down anything Earl dictated, Earl would do the lock picking and tidying up afterwards. Cecil suggested asking Leann to give them an alibi but Earl said that the fewer people who knew, the easier it would be to keep quiet.  
Everyone knew that Tuesday was staff meeting night so the principal would be busy in the hall with the rest of the teachers. The boys did the simplest subterfuge: Earl told his mom he was going straight to Cecil's house after school and Cecil told his sister that he was going to Earl's. It was a common enough occurrence that probably neither would check.  
They sneaked along the admin corridor, hair prickling and stomachs churning. Normally the only reason for being anywhere near the Principal's office was serious trouble. Their visit a few weeks ago with Mr Payne the demonic PE teacher meant that they knew the layout of the room. Earl picked the lock quickly and slipped inside. Cecil joined him moments later. They grinned at each other as Cecil removed a notepad from his pocket and Earl carefully examined the documents on the Principal's desk.  
"Got it!" Earl hissed quietly and started to read, slowly enough for Cecil to keep up, although it was definitely not in his best handwriting.  
Cecil pocketed his notebook again and slipped out to keep watch as Earl made the desk look undisturbed. They sneaked back along the corridor and out into the yard, walking quickly to the gate before running home, laughing. 

They went to Cecil's house; it was the place they were least likely to be interrupted. After a brief interrogation from Cecil's sister about whether or not either of them wanted dinner, they escaped to the sanctuary of Cecil's room. Cecil fished out his notebook and read over his notes, picked up the seventh grader's story he intended to _edit_ , pulled out the middle pages of his notebook, smiled and began to write, lying face down on the floor.  
Earl watched Cecil as he gradually immersed himself in his task. Cecil got a weird kind of goofy smile when he was writing. Earl tried not to laugh. Cecil looked up.  
"What?"  
"Nothing."  
Earl picked up his schoolbag, found his homework and reclined on Cecil's bed to tackle the strange language of algebra. 

The seventh grade student's story was a sensation. It was a story-within-a-story, about someone writing a story. All Cecil had to do was substitute the information from the Principal's desk as part of the text.  
The newsletter typically shifted around a hundred copies, mostly to the teachers, students who regularly submitted articles and their proud parents. It was printed on Wednesday morning ready for distribution at lunchtime. By the end of the school day Leann had to ask for an extra two hundred copies from the reprographics technician.  
On Thursday morning, the Principal called Leann into her office to find out why the whole school, students, teachers and parents, knew that there was a plan to ban all fried food and sugary snacks from school premises and replace them with dietitian-approved healthy options. It was not a popular plan.  
Leann had no idea. Then the principal showed her the offending story in the newsletter and Leann pretended to have no idea. The seventh grade author could show a rough draft in his folder that had his original text as evidence of innocence.  
Nobody suspected Cecil. That strange little sixth grader? Isn't he a bit... well... _odd?_  
Almost nobody. Leann cornered him at lunchtime.  
"Hey runt, I thought you joined the newsletter team because you wanted somewhere to eat lunch without getting beat up. Looks like you got talent. Wanna be a reporter?" 

The fried food and sugary snacks stayed. The Principal released a statement that used the phrases _consultation period_ and _feasibility study_ and backed down.  
The following Wednesday, Earl and Cecil asked to speak to the scoutmaster before the meeting started. They explained what they had done and gave him a letter from Leann, the original story and the printed version as evidence.  
Earl also gave him a description of where he could find his TV remote control as evidence of his breaking and entering abilities.  
"Hmm. Palmer, you have earned your _subversive copy-editor_ badge. Well done. Harlan!"  
"Yes Scoutmaster?" a snappy salute.  
"Good work on _breaking and entering_ but if I ever suspect that you have been in my house again I will make you suffer. Do you understand me?"  
"Yessir!"  
"Right, Palmer, after tonight you may not collect any more badges until you have mastered _bloodstone circles_ and _ritual chanting._ Harlan, you may not collect any more badges until you have coached Palmer to success. Got that?"  
"Yes, Scoutmaster!" in unison. 

Back at Cecil's house, after they sewed their new patches, Earl handed Cecil a charm bracelet that was the double of his own.  
"I made two sets, so you don't need to make your own lock picks. We can still work on other badges as long as we get you through the ones he said first."  
Cecil admired the workmanship of the lock picks and the chain that held them. He put it on and rattled his wrist to make it jingle.  
"Thanks, Earl!"  
He rummaged in a box under his bed.  
"I wanted to show you this."  
He handed Earl the parchment with the curly writing on it. 

Earl laughed.  
"Cecil, this is awesome!"  
"I know!"  
"I get to be scoutmaster!"  
"I know!"  
"And you get to be on the radio like you want!"  
"I know!"  
"Is it real? I mean, not a fake?"  
"I don't know!" 


	3. Bloodstone Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cecil really struggles with bloodstone circles and ritual chanting.  
> His brother is not impressed.

Cecil groaned.  
"It's called a _bloodstone circle._ Why can't it just mean _put your bloodstones in a circle?"_  
Earl looked at the arrangement of stones on the carpet then back at the drawing he had made for Cecil to practice, turning it one way then the other to see if he could make them match. He could not.  
"I know, Cecil, you said it before. _These are not bloodstones and this is not a circle!"_  
"Hey! I don't sound like that!"  
"Do too!"  
"Do not!"  
It was a debate that could last for hours. 

Earl put the sketch on the floor.  
"I could chalk it on the carpet for you. Would you get in trouble with your mom?"  
"No, she doesn't come in here. I'm in charge of cleaning up my own room."  
Earl looked around at the piles of books, schoolwork, clothes that might or might not be clean, and nodded. Looked just fine.  
"Great! Help move stuff?"  
They cleared a space by kicking the piles out of the way and Earl rummaged in his pocket. He found chalk and string. Cecil watched in awe as Earl measured and marked chalk dust on the brown cord carpet. Soon there were thirteen marks on the floor.  
"Okay, you start _here,"_ Earl drew a square around one of the marks, "and you go _this_ way," he drew an arrow, "and you end in the middle. Can you see it's a sort of a spiral?"  
Earl looked up at Cecil. Cecil was shaking his head. 

"I can't see it. It's like last week when you tried to point out constellations. You could see the Huge Spiderwolf and the Blooming Cactus but all I saw were blobs and void."  
"Huh. Can you see the pattern I drew on the carpet?"  
"Blobs and gaps."  
Earl sat back. It was the simplest bloodstone circle pattern he knew and Cecil couldn't see it. He had another idea. He rubbed out the chalk marks with the soles of his trainers.  
"Okay, try this."  
From memory, Earl put down two stones in the first two positions then picked them up and handed them to Cecil. Cecil shrugged and put the stones down again in the wrong order, but almost in the right places.  
"Nearly. stand beside me so you are the right way up. I'll show you again."  
And again. And again and again and again. 

By the time Earl had to go home, Cecil had mastered the first five stones. At this rate it would take him months to get the most basic scout badge. Cecil practised for another half hour before his sister yelled at him to get in the bath now if he wanted hot water. He dived into the bathroom before his brother could call dibs on it. He smiled. There were still some bubbles and it smelled nice. He tried to be quick but there was no point getting out until his sister brought the towel back.  
 _Maybe I could ask Earl how the washing machine works. I bet he knows._  
The door opened just wide enough for an arm to reach in and drape a towel over the rail. Cecil got out, wrapped the damp towel around himself and yelled for his brother before dashing back to his refuge. He looked at the kicked over piles of clothes, trying to remember which pile was clean. 

He settled on spaceship pyjamas that Earl had given him for Christmas, although he doubted it had been Earl's choice of gift, then spent another hour practising placing just those five stones and chanting the first few syllables Earl had made him memorise. He was only disturbed once, when his brother came in, scowling and dripping wet, grabbed the towel from the floor and stomped out again.  
"Sorry! I forgot!"  
"Idiot! You can go last next time."  
He made up his mind. He would definitely ask Earl to show him how the washing machine worked. Cecil slid into bed, desperately hoping that he would not forget overnight the things he had worked so hard to learn today. 

Earl came over late morning when Cecil was still in his pyjamas, practising again.  
"Hey you got it!"  
Cecil beamed.  
"I worried all night that I'd forget so I got up and did this."  
He handed Earl a sheet of paper. On it, in meticulously decorative handwriting, was a set of written descriptions of where to put the stones and which syllables to chant.  
"If I imagine your voice as I read it I can do it."  
"You're a genius, Cecil. I'd've never've thought of that. Ready for the rest of the pattern?"  
With written notes to guide him, Cecil made it to the end of the first bloodstone circle. Earl cheered and hugged him, then apologised as Cecil froze.  
"Sorry."  
"It's okay. Show me the next bloodstone circle. The Scoutmaster said I need to be able to make three different ones and explain what they are for." 

The boys worked hard but Cecil wasn't ready by Wednesday. He could reliably lay the first pattern and say the first chant but they had not tried with real bloodstones yet, preferring the safety of a random selection of rocks from Cecil's backyard. Earl gave the Scoutmaster an update on Cecil's progress, sounding like a proud dad while Cecil hovered in the background.  
"Palmer!"  
"Yes Scoutmaster?"  
"What is the first bloodstone circle for?"  
"Protection, Scoutmaster."  
"And when is a good time to use it?"  
"When someone might be in danger, sir."  
"Keep working, Palmer. You'll be a half-decent scout one day. Dismissed."  
As the boys ran back to Earl's chalk and Cecil's bloodstone substitutes, the Scoutmaster decided that he had never seen a pair of scouts so dedicated or so much in need of a good protection ritual. 

The next weekend, Earl went to Cecil's house to help him with the third bloodstone circle. After an hour in the stuffy bedroom, Earl wanted air.  
"Hey Cecil, we should do this in the yard. And I asked mom if I could borrow her bloodstones and she said yes as long as we're careful not to scratch them. They don't like it."  
Earl brought a wooden box out of his bag. He opened it and showed Cecil the smooth stones nestling in felt.  
"Oh! They're shiny! Mom has a set in the basement but I'm not allowed down there."  
They went downstairs quietly to avoid waking Cecil's mom and out into the dusty yard.  
"Okay Cecil," Earl handed him the wooden box and kicked an area clear. "Do the _protection_ bloodstone circle."  
Cecil carried out the ritual perfectly, adding in names of his mom and his sister, then Earl's mom and Earl at the appropriate points. Earl grinned and said thanks as he carefully collected up the bloodstones afterwards.  
"That was great. Now show me the _reveal evil_ one."  
Cecil read through his notes, frowning in concentration and got to work.

Cecil tried not to refer to his notes, mentally running through the written instructions before he started, linking them with a story he had made up to help get the order right. He worked slowly and carefully, placing the stones down after making sure the ground was free of anything that might scratch Earl's mom's bloodstones.  
His chant was a little jittery and disconnected but the syllables were all correct and in the right order. Earl listened out for mistakes. Cecil finished and stepped back, wiped his pyjama sleeve over his face.  
"Cecil that was really good! Wanna try again only see if you can do it faster?"  
"Yeah, okay."  
Cecil collected up the stones again and had one last look at his notes. He stood with his eyes closed, chanting quietly then started over. Earl thought it was beautiful. Cecil moved smoothly this time and his voice when he got into the flow of the chant made Earl's spine tingle.  
"Oh wow! Cecil that was..."  
Earl's _perfect!_ was cut off by Cecil's brother's roar.  
"CECIL YOU LITTLE SHIT WHAT DID YOU DO!"  
A figure appeared from the back door, stomping down the yard towards them. A figure with horns. 

Earl started to back away, heart racing and stomach churning, prepared to grab Cecil and run or maybe throw himself over his friend to protect him from _whatever that thing was._  
Cecil sat down, chest heaving and unable to speak.  
"YOU!" The figure pointed at Cecil. "You UNDO this right NOW or I'm telling MOM sohelpmegods. Cecil rolled over in the dust, the only sounds the squeaking of his difficulty breathing. Tears streaming down his face. Earl leapt over to him, knelt down and shook his shoulder.  
"Cecil! Cecil! Are you okay?"  
Cecil nodded and sat up. He tried to control his breathing but burst out into uncontrolled giggling. With great difficulty, he choked out a few words.  
"Hahaha... suits you... look like a goat!"  
Cecil's brother made an appeal to Earl, whose mouth was starting to twitch at the edges.  
"Make 'im fix it. You better be laughing at him, not me, Harlan."  
Cecil's brother looked as stern as he could with a pair of curly horns curving from his forehead and stomped back indoors. 

When Cecil recovered, he asked if Earl knew a circle and a chant to undo his brother's horn problem because their mom was on shifts and it wasn't fair to wake her up.  
"Just do the third bloodstone ritual and put your brother's name in. That might work."  
"Oh! Yeah, that makes sense."  
Cecil turned the page in his notebook and read through the bloodstone ritual for _casting out demons_  
"Earl? I'm really not sure about this one. I mean using it on my brother is ok because he wants me to fix him because he's not really a demon, I think, but what if someone used it on someone else, like Mr Payne? He's a really good PE teacher and I don't want to..."  
"It's okay Cecil, it doesn't harm real demons. It's just a name, like _moon rocks_ candy isn't made of rocks from the Moon and _Angel hair_ pasta isn't made from angels' hair."  
"Well duh, how could it be? Angels don't exist and anyway they're bald. Josie said so."  
Earl grinned as Cecil started chanting and placing the polished bloodstones on the ground. A few seconds after he heard Cecil add his brother's name to the chant, a curly horn thumped to the ground beside them and they heard a yell of _...AND DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN! I kept the other horn and I sweartogods that I will ram it so far up... oh! Sorry mom, it was Cecil's fault... no it's okay..._

Cecil was excited for Wednesday night. He would get to show off his new skills to the Scoutmaster and then he would get to chant the _badgeless losers_ chant at some of the other scouts who teased him and... His heart sank as he picked up his uniform from the floor. The sash was okay but the shirt and shorts were disgusting. He shook them out but it didn't help. No scout meeting tonight then, no badges and no rubbing anyone else's nose in his success. He sat on the floor and cried with disappointment  
Earl found him there.  
"Hey Cecil, you weren't outside and the door was open so I... what's wrong?"  
"I can't go tonight."  
"Course you can. Why can't you go?"  
"Look!"  
Cecil pointed to his uniform. Earl inspected it for a moment.  
"Well, you can't go in _that_ but you can still go. Come on, get up, we can go to mine and you can wear my spare. Bring your uniform." 

Earl led the reluctant Cecil by the hand back to his house. Earl's dad _harrumphed_ as his mom got up to see what was wrong.  
"Oh sweetie, gimme that. Earl, you got anything else for the laundry? Cecil, you can pick this up after school tomorrow. Earl, why don't you invite Cecil to stay for dinner tomorrow?"  
Earl took Cecil upstairs and helped adjust his spare shorts with string so that they wouldn't fall down. He half-heard his mom and dad _having a discussion._  
"He's just odd. The way he looks at me makes me shiver."  
"He's good for Earl, and I like him. He's such a nice boy."  
"He's got his own family. Why don't they take better care of him? We should call..."  
"Don't you dare, Harlan! You think that boy would last in a care home? He's okay, they love him and we can help out when his mom has to work extra shifts. It's not their fault. Remember there are two of us with jobs and we only have Earl to look after."  
Earl looked at Cecil, resisting the urge to hug the smaller boy and wondering if he could ask his mom to let Cecil be his brother. 


	4. Beginner's Astral Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astral travel proves difficult to master, useful but dangerous to use.  
> Especially if Cecil's sister's room is the destination.

Earl frowned. He closed his eyes and concentrated _really hard_ like the Scoutmaster showed him at the meeting last week. He held his breath, thought about Cecil's sister's room and...  
"Cecil! Shut up! You're distracting me."  
Cecil stifled the giggle that followed the snort that made Earl lose concentration.  
"Sorry, you looked constipated. I wish I had a camera!"  
"This is really difficult. Scoutmaster said I should start on _beginner's astral travel_ now because it takes ages to master and I'll need it if I want to be a scoutmaster one day."  
"Sorry. You keep trying, pass me your schoolbag and I'll start your homework for you. Let me know if you see any of my stuff in Sis's room, I'm sure she stole my new notebook. It's got a feather bookmark Old Woman Josie gave me for my birthday."  
Earl pushed his bag over to Cecil, who pulled out all the books and looked for his diary to check what was due tomorrow. He smiled and settled belly-down on the carpet.  
"Oh good, history and a story for English. What do you want me to write it about? Oh I know, sharks are cool!" 

An hour later, Cecil came out of his fiction-induced stupor as Earl started snoring. Astral travel was not going well for him. Cecil poked his pen at Earl's feet to wake him up.  
"Oh crap not again."  
"Earl!"  
Cecil giggled.  
"I'm never going to be able to do this. If I'm uncomfortable I can't concentrate and if I'm too comfortable I fall asleep."  
"Did you see anything?"  
"Nope."  
"Wanna try again? I'll wake you if you fall asleep."  
"Nope. Let's go outside and do stuff. I could teach you how to build a campfire. You _are_ coming on the camp, aren't you?" 

Cecil didn't answer about the camp because he didn't know. He hadn't asked his mom yet. There was a letter for her to sign and a contribution to make towards the cost of feeding a twelve year old boy for a week. He followed Earl out of his house and soon they reached the scrubland that bordered Night Vale and soon slipped into desert.  
"Right. Dry kindling, there's plenty of that around. Cecil, you gather some kindling and I'll clear a safe area so we don't make a brushfire. Scoutmaster says _if you're starting a fire, make sure it's a deliberate one and not a careless accident. A scout is always careful."_  
Cecil scooted off to gather dry twigs and leaves, returning with a good armful just as Earl finished clearing an area six feet wide of any combustible materials.  
"Oh good, you got plenty. We need bigger sticks now"  
The boys walked side by side, Earl darting off to the left and Cecil to the right whenever they saw suitable firewood. On return, Earl showed Cecil how to build up a pyramid and soon they had two neat stacks of kindling and dry sticks ready to light.  
"Next bit's hard and takes for _ever._ Gotta keep at it."  
Earl showed Cecil how to make a bow out of string and a bendy twig and use it to grind the end of a dry stick into a flat piece of bark until it was hot enough to set the kindling alight. As promised, it took _ages._  
"Jeez Earl, if a scout is always prepared with string and stuff in his pockets, maybe he should also carry a lighter!" 

They sat by the glow of their campfire after kicking the burning pyramids together. Cecil nudged Earl.  
"Shoulda brought something to roast."  
"Yeah. Mom's making meatloaf. If I wasn't starving I'd get in trouble for not eating it. Wanna stay? Help me not have to eat the meatbarf?"  
Cecil laughed.  
"No, my mom's home tonight so I gotta be there for family dinner."  
Earl patted Cecil's shoulder and stared at the embers, thinking about what dinner with Cecil's family would be like, all round the kitchen table eating... He had no idea. He had only ever seen Cecil cook noodles or canned stew, or his sister make something crunchy-coated that went from freezer to oven to plate. Earl sat, hand on Cecil's shoulder, staring into the embers. _Funny that he hasn't pushed my hand away yet,_ Earl thought as his mind drifted to Cecil's kitchen. He closed his eyes and leaned against Cecil for a moment.  
And bolted upright again.  
"Cecil? If your mom's making rabbit casserole for dinner then I think I just did my first successful astral travel!"  
"Oh cool! I love rabbit. Hope there are carrots, Sis hates it when my brother makes jokes about Bugs Bunny." 

Cecil gave his mom the letter about camp after dinner then offered to clear up. His brother thudded upstairs into his room and Sis disappeared on her date after the doorbell rang. Cecil cleared the table, wrapped the leftovers for the fridge, washed the dishes and dried them, cleaned the cooker, wiped the table and made his mom's peppermint tea. She was asleep on the sofa with the letter in her hand. Cecil seized the opportunity to phone Earl and tell him he was right about the rabbit.  
He shook his mom's shoulder and she woke up.  
"Cecil? What time is it? Oh! Thank you honey."  
She looked at the letter again.  
"I guess I can spare you for a week. Let me take the letter round to the Scoutmaster myself and sort it out. Save you from having to worry about carrying cash."  
Cecil gave his mom a very quick hug and scooted up to his room to wait for Earl to try astral travel again. He wasn't quite sure, but he thought he saw a flicker in the corner of his eye just before he fell asleep. 

Next morning, Cecil waited for Earl to walk to school with him.  
"Hey, I thought I saw something last night. Was it you?"  
Earl grinned.  
"Yeah. You were asleep. I can travel places I know well but that's all, if you want me to search Sis's room I'm gonna need to see it first."  
"If we have to go in we might as well just search it ourselves."  
"If you wanna."  
Earl tried to sound nonchalant about being in Cecil's sister's room. Cecil was oblivious to the change in tone of his friend's voice and stabbed him with one simple comment.  
"Sure. I think she has another date tonight. Wanna come over for leftover rabbit casserole?" 

After school, with Sis confirmed as out until nine and his brother in his lair, Cecil put the leftover casserole in the oven and the boys sneaked into Cecil's sister's room. Their search was methodical, planned meticulously during the walk home from school via Earl's house so he could tell his mom he was eating at Cecil's.  
"You take the drawers, I'll take the wardrobe, then you look under the head end of her bed and I'll take the feet end. We're only looking for stuff of mine she's taken."  
Earl faltered.  
"Me search her drawers? Like, uh, her _underwear_ and stuff?"  
"Uh-huh. Swap if you want."  
"No, that's okay."  
Earl's imagination conjured up a drawer spilling out delicate lace like he'd seen in the adverts in his mom's magazines. The truth was much more mundane but the few items of beige and white cotton and nylon he had to touch affected his composure just the same. He _really_ hoped Cecil was too busy rooting around in the wardrobe to notice.  
Lying carefully on his belly, pulling shoeboxes out from under the bed, he found two notebooks. He held them up. Cecil nodded. They carefully replaced everything and retreated. 

Cecil studied one of the notebooks. Earl returned from the bathroom to find Cecil engrossed in reading it. He looked up as Earl entered the room.  
"This is really weird, Earl. That one," Cecil pointed to the peacock blue notebook with the feathery bookmark, "is the one Old Woman Josie gave me. This one is freaky. Look."  
He handed it to Earl, who flicked through it and read out a page.  
 _...Earl flicked through it, read out a page and said it looked dangerous and he should lock it up safe..._  
"Shit, Cecil! This is a book all about you!" He closed it and read the cover.  
 _The Little Reporter's Book of Big Boy Note Taking_  
Earl leafed through it again and found a paragraph about breaking into the Principal's office.  
"Cecil, if anyone reads this we're in big trouble. Do you think Sis read it?"  
"No, we'd be in big trouble already if she did. I better hide it. Dinner is probably ready now."  
They looked around the little room and settled on the inside of the base of the divan bed as the best hiding place. Cecil folded up the prophecy and slipped it inside the notebook, which now contained information about its hiding place, and worked it through a small tear in the fabric under the bed frame. 

Earl went home after shrugging his shoulders at the washing machine when Cecil asked if he knew how it worked. Earl's advice was to put stuff in, press some buttons and see what happened. Cecil walked him halfway home, having decided that although he'd like to surprise his mom by having the laundry done, he would not like to surprise her with a broken washing machine or ruined clothes.  
"You gonna practise astral travel again tonight?"  
"Yeah, I need practice. I'll try your room and your sister's room. She's out 'til nine, right?"  
"Yeah. See you later maybe."  
They parted and walked home in opposite directions. 

Earl appeared in Cecil's room half an hour later, waving his arms to get attention. He looked flustered, looked like he was shouting.  
"Can't hear you!"  
Cecil pointed to his ears and shook his head to emphasise the point. The transparent figure of Earl waved and pointed out of the room. It was mouthing something. Cecil concentrated on the shape of Earl's mouth. He frowned then left the room, gingerly treading outside Sis's room, quietly opening the door.  
She was there, lying on the floor, home early from her date. Cecil yelled for his brother who saw, swore and called for an ambulance as Cecil checked her breathing. She was breathing. Moments before the ambulance, Earl arrived then his mom came in with Cecil's mom.  
"Is she..."  
"She's breathing mom, I don't know what happened. Mom...?"  
Cecil and his mom clung to each other for a moment. Earl's mom touched her shoulder and she nodded.  
"Come on, Earl. Cecil, let your mom and your big brother go in the ambulance. You're staying with us tonight." 

Cecil's sister was kept in overnight and discharged the next evening. Nobody would tell Cecil or Earl what happened.  
"Probably something she ate," suggested Earl's mom.  
"They think it might've been a sudden case of throat-spiders," explained Cecil's mom.  
"Probably an allergy. She doesn't want to talk about it, so don't ask," said Cecil's brother, scowling.  
A day later, when Earl proudly sewed on his _beginner's astral travel_ patch, perched on the end of Cecil's bed, she appeared at the door.  
Both boys looked up in surprise. Sis _never_ entered Cecil's room.  
"I know I should say thank you for raising the alarm, Earl, but if I EVER catch you spying on me in my room I will kill you, you little perv. Got that?"  
Earl nodded, red-faced and unable to meet her steely gaze. 


	5. Sneak and Destroy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for camp!  
> Cecil gets a fright and hides. Earl finds him and together they find a rival camp.  
> So many possibilities for earning badges!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I got an unexpected afternoon off! So have a chapter I thought I wouldn't have time to write.  
> Part one of "what they did at camp."

Earl had one topic of conversation: camp. Cecil was able to go, Scoutmaster told him one night to take a message back to his mom that his place was reserved and gave him a kit list with most of the items ticked off already. His mom had smiled at that and said something like _oh that's nice of him, tell him next time that Palmers always repay their debts._ Cecil passed on the message even though he didn't understand it, or the Scoutmaster's reply of _Palmers are proud people, son._ When Cecil showed Earl the backpack of gear that Scoutmaster had given him, Earl handled each item carefully and told Cecil how lucky he was to be allowed to use Scoutmaster's own kit from years ago. 

Earl sat on the end of Cecil's bed, back against the wall, as Cecil lounged at the pillow end, babbling about camp.  
"...so many badges to get! Cecil, there are _loads,_ even some that you might like. There's _beginner's survival,_ we can do that together, and _subdue a spiderwolf_ if we're lucky and we see one and we already have _sneaking and listening_ so we can progress to _sneak and destroy_ if there's a rival camp nearby. I bet there will be, I hope Scoutmaster has found out where the Desert Bluffs camp is. I owe those guys trouble. Maybe I can get my _bloody vengeance_ badge. I really hope so, I've been thinking about it since the last camp..."  
Cecil smiled as Earl chattered on. He just wanted to get through the week without embarrassing himself by being inept.  
At least he knew he had enough clean clothes to see him through the week. He had caught his brother in a good mood one day and learned that he could ignore most of the washing machine controls, it was okay to set it on programme three for everything. 

Camp started with a meeting early on Saturday morning, a kit check, a bus ride out of town and a hike. They had the tents up and checked by the blood-pact scouts well before dark and the boys all sat around one campfire and listened to Scoutmaster as darkness crept over them.  
When Scoutmaster finished explaining the rules, the scouts drew lots to see who would get to tell the first scary story. Earl made something up about wild animals coming out of the woods at night to pick off unwary scouts one by one. One of the older boys spun a yarn about a Desert Bluffs camp that had been massacred by ghosts from Pine Cliffs.  
To Cecil, the scariest experience was hearing his name called to tell a story. He stood up, shaking and wobbled over to Scoutmaster's camp chair that the Storyteller had a right to use. His stomach flipped and fizzed and his mouth felt dry. He couldn't remember a single story and he was sure he would have no voice. Suddenly, hands grabbed at him and someone screamed in his ear.  
He yelped and ran, oblivious to the laughing from behind him. 

He came back into himself in the woods, chest heaving and heart pounding, struggling for oxygen. He doubled over then sat on a tree root. It was dark. As his breathing eased, he listened to the sounds of the woods, wondering what all the creatures were that made the soft hoots and the gentle rustling and the occasional sudden _thunk_ and strangled _urk!_  
He closed his eyes to shut out the dark and leaned against the tree trunk beside him, feeling the cool bark with his fingers before resting his head against it. He jerked awake as he heard a sound that did not fit with the wildlife in the woods.  
"Cecil? Cecil? Are you there? Cecil?"  
"Over here."  
"You okay?"  
Earl sat beside Cecil and gave him a brief one-armed hug, more to reassure himself than his friend.  
"I brought a bivouac kit in case you didn't want to go back to camp tonight. It'll get us a badge each if we camp out alone for two nights and look after ourselves, catch our own food and stuff. Wanna do that?" 

Cecil did not, but it was better than going back to camp or admitting that he desperately wanted to go home to the security of his brother's poor taste in music which he shared with the entire house, Sis's snooping in everyone's business and his mom's tired smile.  
"Come on, this is no good for a shelter. There's a thing that looks like an abandoned spiderwolf den back there, if it's one of last year's it'll be good enough for us."  
Earl took Cecil's hand and led him through the woods. The den looked sound in torchlight, and it was empty and cold. Unoccupied. Earl unpacked two lightweight sleeping bags and laid them out then rummaged in his backpack again and handed Cecil a chocolate bar. Cecil smiled at last.  
"Thanks, Earl."  
Earl removed his boots and scarf and slid into his sleeping bag. Cecil did the same.  
"You still have to tell a story, Cecil, those are the rules."  
Cecil thought.  
"Once upon a time there was a spiderwolf who went out for the night. When she got home next day she found two scouts..."  
"Shit, Cecil, not _too_ scary!" 

Fortunately the spiderwolf den they occupied really was abandoned and they did not have to enact the plans they had made overnight to get their _subdue a spiderwolf_ badge. Still, in the morning they discussed their spiderwolf survival strategy and refined their plan of "hit it with a stick until it goes away" into something less fatal. There were no posthumous award ceremonies in the Night Vale Scouts Association.  
Earl decided the den was a good place to camp out again and they should leave most of their kit hidden inside and only carry what they needed for a day of hunting and foraging and eating and looking for the rival camp that Scoutmaster had hinted at.  
"Scoutmaster says survival first. We got shelter so now we need to get food."  
"Okay. How do we do that? Do we have to kill something?"  
"Urgh, I hope not. There's a rabbit warren at the edge of the woods away from the main camp. We could set a trap and maybe we'll catch something. Mainly we should look for berries and stuff. But don't eat anything without checking what it is first."  
"Okay."  
Earl and Cecil spent what was left of the morning building rabbit traps and scaring away their intended prey. They ran out of chocolate and set off through the woods to forage for lunch. They were not successful.  
"Huh. I guess this is easier later in the year. Spring's shit for finding food." 

Mid afternoon they stumbled upon the perfect food supply. 

Silently, they looked at each other and grinned. Still lying flat on their bellies, they crept backwards until they were out of sight and spoke quietly, avoiding the sibilants that would carry and risk revealing their presence.  
"Did you thee who they are?"  
"Yeth, Dethert Bluffth thcoutth, I owe them pain becauthe of latht year."  
"Awethome! What nektht?"  
"Obtherve and plan. Find a thuitable thtick to uthe ath a weapon."  
"Thith ith tho cool!"  
Earl was grinning. Cecil could barely keep still.  
"Thethil! Quietly!"  
"Thorry." 

The boys had no trouble finding suitable weapons in the woods. Each armed himself with a comfortably heavy branch, testing out its swing for accuracy, discarding ones that were too long to carry easily or too short to be useful. They crept back to their vantage point and waited.  
The Desert Bluffs camp looked to be established. It had been there for long enough to be untidy. Earl resisted the urge to tut and start listing its faults.  
Their opportunity came late afternoon. Earl watched and counted as the interloper Scoutmaster sent his inferior scouts off in groups, armed only with ropes and knives. Once the last team had been dismissed and gone running after the others, only the scoutmaster remained. Earl nudged Cecil.  
"Okay, we knock him out, then raid the methth tent, thteal what we can and dethtroy what we can't."  
Cecil nodded.  
Earl almost giggled when he saw the scoutmaster lean back in his camp chair and close his eyes. 

Cecil and Earl sneaked into the rival camp. Earl kept watch over the snoring scoutmaster as Cecil raided the mess tent. He stuffed as much as he could carry into a carelessly discarded backpack and put it on, tipping the rest of the food into a pile on the ground.  
He moved to the equipment tent next then tiptoed over to Earl with a length of baler twine. Earl gave him the thumbs-up sign and carefully, slowly tied the scoutmaster's ankles to his deckchair.  
Earl took out his knife and handed it to Cecil, who shook his head and removed the pocket-knife he had borrowed from their own Scoutmaster. Earl made stabbing and slashing motions with his hand. Cecil gaped at him for a moment, then understood. He cut through every single guyline of every tent.  
As the boys sneaked out of the camp with their stolen goods, the last tent whumped to the ground and the scoutmaster woke up. Earl and Cecil ran. They heard an angry bellow followed by a clatter and some words he was sure a good scoutmaster would never use. They dashed through the woods, weaving a path to try to fox anyone who tried to track them later. 

They stashed their new food supply in the spiderwolf den after sorting through it, choosing what to eat for dinner and what to save for breakfast. Cecil had only brought things that he knew how to cook. While Earl listened and watched for any sign of Desert Bluffs scouts trying to earn badges for tracking and reclaiming stolen property, Cecil built a modest campfire and warmed up canned stew and canned beans, opening the cans and balancing them amongst glowing embers before tipping them onto the single plastic plate in Earl's backpack. They ate lukewarm food with filthy fingers and declared it the best dinner they had ever had.  
As the light began to fade, they checked on their rabbit snares. Cecil released the one helpless bunny they had caught and watched as it pelted away before kicking the other traps to pieces. 

Next morning, as Cecil and Earl returned to camp with Desert Bluffs brand labels as proof of their exploits, Scoutmaster intercepted them.  
"I hear you have been busy, scouts."  
"Yes, Scoutmaster."  
"Harlan, you know that leading raiding parties is the job of Weird Scouts."  
Earl hung his head.  
"Yes, Scoutmaster. Sorry sir."  
"Head up, Harlan. Palmer?"  
"Yes, Scoutmaster?"  
"Would you say Harlan was a good leader who gave clear instructions?" 

The Blood Pact scouts left the boys alone until the one who had frightened him into running away apologised. Cecil accepted the apology gracefully after Earl twisted the offensive scout's arm so far up his back that he had to stand on tiptoes and his voice disappeared into a squeak.  
Around the campfire that evening, after a meal that finished with every scout getting a piece of stolen Desert Bluffs candy, Scoutmaster held an award ceremony. Three scouts received badges for _intermediate sabotage_ before Cecil and Earl were awarded _sneak and destroy, beginner's survival_ and, unexpectedly, _opportunist._  
After they sat down, Scoutmaster called Earl up again.  
"In recognition of his leadership and coaching qualities, Eagle Scout Harlan is promoted directly to the rank of Weird Scout."  
There was a strangled noise from the Blood Pact scouts.  
"Anyone who has a problem with that can challenge the promotion in the usual way, with the usual consequences if their challenge is unsuccessful. Anyone?"  
There was no challenge.  
"Palmer, stand up. Come up and collect your Eagle Scout patch, boy." 

The next day, after Scoutmaster let the pair bivvy in the woods again rather than share a tent with other scouts resentful about being leapfrogged, they sneaked over to the Desert Bluffs camp. Only a few rectangles of flattened grass hinted at its existence.  
"Told you you'd be a good scout, Cecil!"  
Cecil grinned.  
"Only because you help me. Earl..."  
"Huh?"  
"I suppose we have to go back to the main camp today."  
"Yeah. Scoutmaster wants me to lead the Blood Pact Scouts on a spiderwolf hunt. Wanna tag along?"  
Something about the words _Blood Pact Scouts_ and _tag along_ made Cecil say no. He had to find something he could do that Earl would be proud of. Something of his own. 


	6. Snare a Spiderwolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camp, part 2.
> 
> Earl is put in charge of the resentful Blood Pact Scouts and sent to track a spiderwolf.  
> Cecil is chosen for a parallel expedition.  
> But the Blood Pact Scouts have their own expedition planned.  
> It does not go well.
> 
> (The homophobia tag goes here)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that for a realistic view of twelve year olds, there were not nearly enough fart/bodily functions jokes so far.
> 
> (1 Nov) I changed the original ending, cut out a bit of dialogue and left it as Cecil deflecting a question he doesn't want to answer.

Cecil was used to sharing his space with his family and Earl. Sharing a cramped tent with five other scouts was a challenge. The fourth night of camp, his first night as an Eagle Scout, was the first night he had to experience the sleeping habits of boys fed a diet of mostly beans, unusual forage finds and plenty of fresh air.  
 _There should be a badge for this,_ thought Cecil as one boy emitted a quiet squeak when he shifted in his sleep and a long, low, ripping noise came from somewhere in the recesses of the canvas. Someone giggled. Cecil desperately tried not to join in but his mouth twitched and he snorted.  
"Jeez Cecil, was that _you?"_  
"No!" followed by more giggling. Cecil felt discomfort build in his belly. He knew he couldn't hold on for long. "Just gonna get some _fresh air._ "  
Cecil opened the tent flap and crawled out, taking a deep breath. Behind him, the tent erupted into laughs and sniggers. He walked a few steps away from the entrance and crouched down as a silent-but-violent relieved the pain in his abdomen. He walked around the tent for a few minutes, gradually and repeatedly releasing the rest of the trapped air, methane and hydrogen sulfide.  
He was not the only scout up. A taller figure walked towards him, hissing.  
"Get back to your tent, scout... Oh it's you! Are you okay?"  
"Hi Earl, you on guard duty? That is so cool! Do I have to salute you? I needed air."  
Cecil let off another and groaned, giggling. For some reason, this made Earl giggle too. 

They sat a short distance from the tents and chatted quietly.  
"The other scouts okay? I mean not..."  
"It's fine. Mostly they ignore me or laugh at me."  
"Oh. I wanted you to share with us but Scoutmaster says I have to get to know the older scouts."  
They sat quietly, watching the sky.  
"I don't like them. They're mean."  
"Can we camp out again in the spiderwolf den?"  
"No, better not. One of the Blood Pact boys asked if you were my _girlfriend."_  
"Huh." Cecil paused, trying out the word in his head before uttering it. "Bastard."  
"Cecil!" Earl sniggered. "I never heard you swear properly before! Say _fuck._ "  
"Earl!"  
They both started giggling again but stopped and scrambled to their feet, saluting as they heard a quiet, adult voice behind them.  
"Back to your tent, Palmer. Harlan, you are _on patrol_ and have left the north perimeter unattended for the past fifteen minutes. Don't make me regret promoting you." 

Before morning inspection, Cecil smirked as he saw one of the Blood Pact scouts with a fresh bruise on the side of his face. He and his own tent-mates, another Eagle Scout, three Boy Scouts and a Blood Pact Scout who ignored him were busy hitching up the tent sides to air it and rolling their sleeping bags.  
Cecil ceased smirking when he saw Earl staring at the ground as Scoutmaster spoke to him. Scoutmaster wasn't yelling so it must be bad. Earl saluted without making eye contact and walked away quickly. Scoutmaster watched him go and sighed. He turned and saw Cecil watching him. Cecil started busily inspecting their groundsheet. 

After inspection, after breakfast and chanting, after two of the Cub Scouts almost summoned a demon with a badly executed bloodstone ritual for luck, Scoutmaster put the scouts into teams for the day's activities.  
He instructed Weird Scout Harlan to lead four of the Blood Pact Scouts, including the bruised one, on an expedition to locate and track a spiderwolf in the woods.  
He told the Blood Pact Scout from Cecil's tent to choose a team and set off half an hour after to track the trackers and sabotage their hunt.  
He ordered the rest of the troop, with the exception of a token guard presence, to tidy the campsite and gather fuel for their campfires.  
Scoutmaster slipped away and shadowed the expeditions. He hadn't expected Blood Pact Scout Wes to choose Cecil to be on his team. 

Earl was delighted to find that the Blood Pact Scouts didn't challenge him much. Whenever he told one of them to do something, he did it. Sometimes there was a show of eye-rolling or teeth-sucking and huffing to indicate that they did not like being told what to do by a younger boy, but the one who had called Cecil his _girlfriend_ always just smiled and said something like _yes, Weird Scout Harlan._ But the Harlans hadn't raised a fool. Earl became suspicious after half an hour passed and not one of them had tried to shove him around or take charge. He directed them to spread out and look for spiderwolf tracks on the ground while communicating only by official scout signals.  
Blood Pact Scout Wes's group found and followed the tracks of their fellow scouts so quickly and easily that Cecil thought Wes must be almost as good a scout as Earl.  
Scoutmaster kept back, observing, doubt nibbling his intestines. 

Wes gave a low whistle and waited for a reply. It came and he smiled. He looked round at the small twelve-year-old behind him.  
"Hey Cecil? Got a job for you. Go up ahead, follow those tracks if you can," Wes pointed to a set of obvious prints, "and catch up with the spiderwolf gang."  
"Okay, what do I do when I find them?"  
Wes grinned and shushed the sniggering boys behind Cecil.  
"Let them capture you, that'll keep them busy until we catch up." 

Cecil carefully followed the trail. It was too easy. Cecil ignored the trail after a while and set off at right angles to the obvious bootprints until he found a different trail. This trail was definitely not a scout. He got down on his hands and knees to examine the large paw-print then, still on his knees, looked around at his eye level for any disturbance in the bushes. There was one snapped twig with a shred of black fur caught on the end. Cecil shivered, got to his feet and followed the animal trail until he thought he heard a rustle and a growl. He climbed the nearest tree high enough that he could stay out of sight and out of reach. He really wanted to see a live spiderwolf, but the Palmers were survivors. 

It wasn't long before Cecil held his breath, sure his thumping heartbeat would betray his hiding place, as a Blood Pact Scout passed under the branches of his tree. The older scout whistled, two tones, and another scout joined him. Their hushed words floated up to Cecil who was clinging to his branch, desperately trying not to move above them.  
 _"I can't find the little runt, think he lost your footprints?"_  
 _"Cant've. I left a good trail. Even Palmer's not that useless."_  
 _"Where's Dick Harlan?"_  
 _"Up ahead playing at being in charge, actually thinks we're going to find a spiderwolf."_  
 _"Did you bring anything?"_  
 _"Wes is carrying. Got to sort Weird Fuck Harlan out first. Not sharing with him!"_  
Cecil clung tighter to his branch, anger burning him up. 

The two Blood Pact scouts moved on, not even trying to track the prints they were obliterating with careless feet. Cecil almost whooped through his terror when he saw a silent, black, mostly canine shape below him. They were on the edge of the spiderwolf's territory and it was performing a diligent perimeter patrol. It paused, sniffed all around, urinated against the tree and padded away. Cecil shut his eyes and offered a silent prayer to the old gods, asking them to guide the spiderwolf to the two scouts, and please make it hungry. 

Cecil debated internally about what to do. He could stay where he was until the two scout groups had gone and sneak back to camp to face the consequences of abandoning his team. Or he could climb down and find the other scouts and go back with them in case the spiderwolf was still around.  
He decided to wait it out. 

Cecil entertained himself by alternately peering down and around while listening out for any sounds of the scouts and letting his imagination run as wild as the spiderwolf. He pictured Earl bossing the older scouts around and them doing as they were told. He imagined Earl fighting one of them and winning, the others backing off. He thought about how Earl could probably wrestle a spiderwolf, prove himself by saving the other scouts' lives. He wondered what would happen if Earl was in trouble, fighting the spiderwolf or one of the older scouts, but almost losing and _he_ was to turn up and be a hero to his hero.  
Cecil imagined a triumphant return to camp and Earl would not hug him quickly or hold his hand or anything and the other scouts would have no reason to pick on either of them. He sighed and hugged the branch a little tighter.  
The spiderwolf passed underneath again, paused again, urinated and padded onwards. 

Earl stared at the Blood Pact Scouts. This should not be happening. He was a Weird Scout, a rank above them and he had more badges than any two of them put together.  
"Make it easy on yourself, Harlan. If you don't tell us where your pretty little girlfriend is we'll beat it out of you."  
"He's not my..."  
The first blow came unexpectedly from behind and made his head spin. The second came from the scout in front of him and made him double over and retch.  
"C'mon guys, that's enough."  
"Shut up, Wes. You were supposed to send the little runt to us. We'll teach this one a lesson on his own. You take your group back and report the runt missing. Say he got scared and ran off again or something." 

Cecil watched, open mouthed and close to panic as the Blood Pact Scouts carried Earl into the little clearing below him. Earl's nose was bleeding, his hands and ankles were tied and his face was streaked with dirt and tears.  
"Leave 'im here."  
The boys leaned Earl against the tree trunk and walked away laughing. Earl started twisting his hands around to try to pick at the knots at his wrists. He yelled as Cecil landed on the ground in front of him.  
"Cecil? You're okay?"  
Cecil nodded, took out his pocketknife and cut the twine around Earl's wrists and ankles. He put a finger over his lips and pointed up. Earl nodded. They both climbed and clung to the lower branches above the little clearing as the spiderwolf completed another perimeter patrol, stopping for longer to snuffle over the ground where Earl had been and paw at the remains of the twine.  
The spiderwolf raised its head and sniffed the air, turning left and right, walking in a circle in the little clearing.  
It set off in the direction the Blood Pact Scouts had taken.  
It found them quickly. 

Earl jumped down at the sound of the first scream.  
"Come _on,_ Cecil!"  
Cecil jumped down after the second scream.  
"Can't we just leave it?"  
"Cecil! A good scout never leaves another scout in trouble like that."  
"But they left you..."  
"Come on!"  
Earl grabbed Cecil's hand and almost dragged him towards the source of the screaming. 

The spiderwolf had herded the Blood Pact Scouts into a tight group and was circling just out of reach. Two of the scouts had bleeding puncture wounds on their arms and legs and one had a spreading stain on the front of his khakis. The other made a break for freedom as the spiderwolf passed on the opposite side of its circle.  
Cecil and Earl watched as the beast was suddenly _there,_ holding the screaming scout by the leg and pushing him back to the group.  
 _What's it doing?_ mouthed Cecil.  
Earl shrugged. The boys retreated to make a plan. 

"I want us to capture it and get our _snare a spiderwolf_ badges."  
"I want it to bite those Blood Pact Scouts some more first."  
Earl weighed up the merits of Cecil's suggestion of _let nature do its thing_ but his conscience interfered.  
"No, we can't do that. We should make snares, there is more twine back there and I think it's strong enough. We can put them in the spiderwolf's trail and scare it off so it runs along where we set the snares."  
"What will we do about those Blood Pact bastards?"  
Earl had no answer. 

They spent time making snares carefully and setting them along the spiderwolf's perimeter trail, hiding each one with leaves and twigs. When they agreed that they had enough set, they circled around to the far side of the spiderwolf and its captives and crept through the undergrowth, as close as they dared. Earl signed _on three. One... Two..._  
 _"THREE"_  
Cecil and Earl leapt out of their hiding place and rushed towards the spiderwolf, making as much noise as they possibly could. The startled spiderwolf took off down its track. The four Blood Pact Scouts sank to the ground. Earl screamed at them.  
"GET UP, IDIOTS! Run back to camp and cry there."  
As the four boys turned and ran, stumbling against each other in their fight to be first away, Cecil and Earl heard a yelp from the trail. They followed the sound and found the spiderwolf caught in a snare.  
"Uh, Earl? What do we do with it now?"  
"Umm, I guess we either kill it or free it. Umm."  
A voice came from the tree above them and Scoutmaster dropped lightly down to the ground.  
"Kill it, Harlan, you've made it frightened and angry. If you try to free it, it will kill you. Here."  
Scoutmaster held out a gun. Earl looked at it, Cecil took it. Scoutmaster guided his aim. It was a clean shot.  
"Now catch up with your group and _lead_ them back into camp. They're not far ahead. I'll tidy up here." 

Earl and Cecil found the Blood Pact scouts quickly, signed at each other and sneaked around them to appear on the trail in front. They walked side by side, giggling.  
"Oh look, it's Harlan and his girl."  
 _"Shut up, they just saved our lives."_  
Earl grabbed Cecil's hand and whispered _sorry, just go with it, okay? Explain later?_  
"Oooh look, sweet, holding hands."  
Earl looked back at the Blood Pact gang. He let go Cecil's hand and whispered _sorry I know you hate hugs and stuff_ as he looped an arm around Cecil's shoulders. Cecil stiffened briefly then relaxed.  
"Awww Earl, Cecil's not interested. Gonna cry yourself to sleep tonight?"  
Cecil put his arm around Earl's waist as one of the scouts whistled.  
 _It's okay Earl, I think I know what you're doing._

Scoutmaster called both Earl and Cecil for a quiet chat before dinner.  
"Ever had spiderwolf stew? It's rank but that's the Scout rule: you catch it, you kill it, you eat it."  
Cecil and Earl stood to attention.  
"No, Scoutmaster!"  
"Thought not. It will put you off ever catching another one. Cecil, good timing today, that was a sensible strategy you used. Very patient and thoughtful and you showed good tracking skills. Earl, you showed excellent character today. You could justifiably have left those boys to their fate and nobody would have thought badly of you, but you chose to rescue them. I'm not sure I would have been as selfless. Well done."  
"Thank you Scoutmaster."  
"About the name calling. How are you dealing with it?" 

Cecil spoke as Earl struggled to transform thoughts into words.  
"Scoutmaster? It's only an insult if I let it be an insult. If I act like I'm okay they might get bored and stop. It's annoying but I don't care much. Have you met my Sis? She's a girl and you wouldn't mess with her."  
Earl picked up, realising what Cecil was trying to convey.  
"And if they laugh because Cecil and I are best friends, so what. We _are_ best friends. I'm proud of that. And his sister really is... Ow! Cecil!"  
Scoutmaster nodded and laughed.  
"Okay. Dismissed. I need to decide exactly which badges have been earned today." 

Earl found himself assigned to Blood Pact Scout Wes's place in Cecil's tent. Before dinner, four sets of stone-faced parents arrived and removed five Blood Pact Scouts. Scoutmaster made them throw their sashes onto the campfire before they left and ignored their salutes.  
At the badge ceremony after dinner, Cecil received _beginner's tracking_ and _snare a spiderwolf._ Earl received snare a spiderwolf and _Bronze Commendation for being a good scout when you could've gotten away with it._

Later, taking refuge outside the tent from the gastrointestinal effects of spiderwolf stew on young innards, Earl had a question.  
"Cecil, do you like me?"  
"Of course, we've been friends since... like... for _ever_ "  
"No, I mean, do you _li-i-ike_ me, like I like Sis?"  
"Earl! You know she's sixteen and way out of your lea..."  
"Shut up, Cecil." 


	7. Intermediate Breaking and Entering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cecil and Earl fall out over a favour but Scoutmaster knows they are better off together.  
> Cecil sets Earl a challenge that he really doesn't want to do and it has embarrassing consequences.

"I won't do it, she'll kill me."  
"Aw Earl, she's out."  
"On a date?"  
"No, just with friends. Please, just a quick look?"  
"Why can't you do it?"  
"She fixed a lock on her door."  
"Pick it. You got that bracelet I made you?"  
"I don't know how to use it. Anyway, I took it off to go to camp and when I got home it wasn't there."  
"Cecil, she really will _kill_ me."  
"Only if she finds out. Please, Earl? I want it back." 

Earl's parents hadn't realised that grounding him was ineffective. As far as his mom knew, he was lying on his bed dozing, not practising for _Intermediate Astral Travel_ while listening to Cecil pleading with him to search Sis's room for stolen property.  
"I won't do it, Cecil, please don't make me."  
"Aw c'mon Earl, it'll only take you a minute."  
"I don't want to piss off your sister!"  
"You're pissing me off right now."  
"That's not fair!"  
 _"That's not fai-air..._ You're supposed to be my friend. You taking her side because you think she'll like you better? She won't."  
Earl vanished. 

Earl walked past Cecil's house next morning instead of walking him to school.  
Cecil ignored Earl in the line to get into their classrooms across the hall from each other.  
At break, Earl stayed in his classroom to ask unnecessary questions.  
At lunch, Cecil went to the school library to work on the school magazine. He wrote a report about what it meant to be a good friend.  
At the end of the day, Cecil hung back as Earl rushed out and walked home by himself.  
The next day followed a similar pattern, and the next. Earl's mother asked what was wrong, why had Cecil not been around. Earl huffed and shut himself in his room. Cecil's family made no comment, but his mother made time to talk to him when she could and Sis helped him with his homework.  
But they couldn't avoid each other forever. It was scout meeting night. 

"Scouts, tonight we are practising for _Intermediate breaking and entering_. You will receive your badge when you break in to a secure room and take one object as proof. Those who already have intermediate will do the advanced test where you have to break in while the building is occupied and remove a personal object. You will pair up so that a more advanced scout can tutor the less advanced scout. Scouts who have intermediate, in a line here please, age order."  
Scoutmaster organised the boys who were not sure how old they were.  
"Beginners, choose a scout to tutor you."  
Cecil waited, expecting a scout as impressive as Earl to be chosen straight away. He realised too late that Earl was standing on his own, arms crossed and scowling, watching him.  
"Palmer! With Harlan. Now."  
Cecil shuffled over to stand near Earl.  
"Stage one. Scouts, set the challenge for each other. Where is your partner to break in to and what do you want them to take?"  
Cecil looked at Earl and smiled. 

"I can't! Cecil, please don't make me do this."  
"I get to set your challenge. Break into Sis's room _while she is home_ and take my bracelet. I'll need it for my challenge, won't I?"  
"Urgh. I guess. But if she catches me I'm totally blaming you. We die together."  
"Deal. What's my challenge?"  
"Break into my teacher's filing cabinet and substitute my history test paper for a better one. We better get to work, the test is tomorrow so I'll have to get your bracelet for you tonight. You can write my essay while I'm earning my badge. I saw the question paper on Monday."  
"Why didn't you just study for it?"  
"I tried. I can't remember a thing. I read and it makes sense then I shut the book and it's all gone."  
The boys soon sat on the floor, heads together, Cecil watching carefully as Earl showed him how to pick all the different kinds of locks that Scoutmaster had brought along for practice. Scoutmaster watched them and smiled, pleased to be able to help Mrs Palmer again. Perhaps he would mention to her later, if she was working at his favourite bar, that Scouting helped Cecil and Earl settle their differences. 

Cecil borrowed Earl's tools to practise until it was time to end the meet and go home.  
"Walk you? You can check that Sis is home and I'll go tell mom that I'm going to your place to work on a badge."  
"Yeah. I missed you a bit even though I was pissed at you."  
Earl threw an arm around Cecil's shoulder for just a second.  
"That's because you're an idiot. I got in trouble because my history homework was so bad this week."  
"I got Sis to do my maths. She offered."  
"That was kind."  
"Not really, I got an F and a detention." 

Earl appeared at Cecil's front door half an hour after they parted. Sis answered without speaking, opening the front door and going back to the front room to watch television, leaving Earl to invite himself in and close the door behind him. As he passed the front room door he quietly closed it further.  
Cecil looked up as Earl came in.  
"Hi, I've almost done your essay. How long do you need it to be?"  
"Dunno, couple of pages?"  
"Strange title, _On the importance of obedience to authority in Night Vale's past and future_ "  
"Huh? I never thought about it. Can you keep watch while I do the thing?"  
"Yeah, okay, just leave my door open and I'll hear if Sis is coming. What signal should I give?"  
"Just yell something. Or ask her a question real loud." 

It did not take Earl long to pick the lock. He had done it before. He silently slipped into Sis's room and closed the door behind him. He inhaled deeply and grinned, at least partly in fear. The thought of Sis coming in and finding him here was both terrifying and exhilarating. He closed his eyes and imagined her coming in, she would shout at him, call him names probably, grab him and force him out of the room. If he resisted perhaps they'd wrestle for a few moments...  
 _Oh! Oh no... not now. Not now._  
Earl's discomfort embarrassed him. He opened his eyes and looked around the room. He saw the bracelet lying on Sis's floor beside her dressing table that doubled as a desk. Quickly, he grabbed it and put it in his pocket. He turned, scanning the room, wishing he hadn't let his imagination distract him.  
Suddenly he froze.  
"Hey Sis, you got me an F in maths. Let me know when you learn to count."  
"Taught you a lesson didn't it? Do your own homework you lazy little... Hey, why is my door unlocked? Cecil, have you and Harlan been in my room again? I swear I'll kill you both if you have."  
"No, Earl's here."  
Sis disappeared into her room and closed the door. 

Cecil waited. He waited for the yelling and eventual screaming and explaining and being thrown out until mom get off work and let him in again, disappointed that he'd let her down.  
There was silence.  
Cecil's warning had given Earl just enough time to wriggle under Sis's bed and hide himself behind the boxes of books and other forbidden stuff she kept under there. Earl wondered how much of it was stolen.  
His fear only served to make him tingle uncomfortably. He stuffed one hand in his mouth, hoping either that he would calm himself down or that Sis would leave and Cecil would signal the all-clear. The bed creaked above him and sagged slightly as Sis's feet vanished from view.  
A hand reached down and pulled out a box, rummaging in it, pulling out a little cassette player and headphones. There was a click and a hiss and quiet tinny second-hand music reached Earl's ears.  
 _At least she won't hear me breathing,_ thought Earl. He shifted slightly, accidentally pushing down onto the carpet and almost making himself groan. _Cecil, please get me out of here._  
Earl was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate but he managed to project into Cecil's room for long enough to convince his friend that maybe he needed help. He heard Cecil go downstairs and shout from below.  
"Hey, Sis? Phone for you." 

By the time Sis had dealt with Cecil, Earl was back in Cecil's room having found that the bathroom was occupied by Cecil's brother and he had no intention of hurrying up. Cecil came in grinning.  
"Did you get it?"  
Earl uncurled enough to get his hand into his pocket. Cecil stared at his shorts.  
"Oh! Uh... Earl, I need to go do something downstairs for a while. Come down when... uh... There are... under the bed. My door doesn't lock so you should sit with your back against it."  
Cecil disappeared. Earl looked under the bed and found a box of tissues and a bin bag.  
Ten minutes later he went downstairs to find Cecil making PBJ sandwiches for them both. He didn't laugh but Earl could tell he was close to breaking out into giggles. They made eye contact and Earl felt sudden heat rise from his collar to his face. Cecil's mouth twitched.  
"Feeling better?"  
"Don't you dare laugh. There was nothing I could do about it."  
Cecil doubled over and giggled until he cried. Earl joined in, there was nothing he could do about that either. 

They both went back up to Cecil's room. Earl showed Cecil where he had hidden the lock-pick bracelet. Cecil put it on.  
"If Sis sees that she'll look for it and she'll know I was in her room."  
"She'll have forgotten about it." Cecil grinned at Earl. "Maybe you could make her one of her own."  
"No. I think I will keep out of her way."  
"So, do you think about Sis when you... um..."  
"Not telling. Why? Who do you think about?"  
"Not telling."  
"Can I read my history essay?" 

Next morning, Cecil waited outside for Earl and they walked to school together.  
"The test is this afternoon. Mrs Esposito will probably take the papers home to mark, she usually does. She collects them in and stuffs them in her bag then locks her bag in the filing cabinet behind her desk. Usually she goes to the staffroom after letting us go and comes back about ten minutes later to tidy up."  
"How do you know all this? Do you spy on people?"  
"Scoutmaster says _a good scout is observant._ He said we should all get to know the routines of the people around us. Just in case, you know."  
"In case of what?"  
"Dunno really. This, I suppose!"  
"In case any scouts are drafted into the Sheriff's Secret Police?"  
"Sshh, Cecil, we're not supposed to know about them!" 

"Can't you just smuggle my essay in and switch it for yours at the end of the test before Mrs Es collects them?"  
"She'll see. She sees everything. I swear she has actual eyes in the back of her head."  
"I think she might be half librarian."  
Earl sniggered.  
"Yeah. Probably."  
"Make sure you write the same amount as me. I wrote you two full pages. She'll notice if you hand in half a page and it suddenly gets longer."  
"Duh, Cecil, I'm not stupid." 

The day dragged for Cecil. He wanted to get the essay switch over. His detention over break for extra math raised his grade from F to D but his teacher still wasn't satisfied. He placated her with excuses and promises that the next homework would be much better.  
At lunchtime he wrote an article for the school magazine about the consequences of cheating on homework.  
At the end of school, Cecil waited just outside the corridor until Earl's teacher headed for the staffroom. He sauntered back into the building and up to the door of Earl's classroom. It was unlocked. He went in.  
The room was almost an exact mirror image of his own classroom across the hall. It felt uncomfortable, familiar yet wrong. Twisted. Cecil shook his arm and his bracelet slid free of his school shirt sleeve. He tested the filing cabinet drawers. Locked.  
He chose the combination of picks that he had used on a similar lock at the Scout meet the night before. Within a minute he had opened the cabinet and found the pile of essays in Mrs Es's bag. He leafed through and located Earl's effort, swapping it for his own.  
Cecil stuffed Earl's essay into his pocket, closed the bag, locked the cabinet and left the classroom. He walked straight into Mrs Esposito, almost making her spill her coffee.  
"What were you doing in my room?"  
"Earl lost his favourite pen. He asked me to see if I could find it."  
"Oh? And did you find it?"  
"Miss?"  
"Whatever you were looking for?"  
"Yes Mrs Es, thank you." 

Next day, on their walk home, Earl was jubilant.  
"We'll both get badges, I got a B in History and you got your bracelet back!"  
Earl shook his arm and his lock-pick bracelet slid down to his wrist. Cecil did the same.  
"B? Did Mrs Es say why it wasn't an A?"  
"Something about _tell him too much weird imagery._ I didn't really get what she said so I just smiled and nodded until she moved on to someone else."  
"Oh. I thought I did a good job."  
"You did! It was much better than anything I could have written."  
Cecil giggled.  
"I know. I read your two page essay on _The History of the Night Vale Scouts Association."_

"Look, I have another breaking and entering task for you,"  
Cecil frowned at Earl as they stood outside his house.  
"Why?"  
"I want you to go into Sis's room and leave an item instead of taking one. Here. This."  
Earl handed a bracelet to Cecil. It looked a bit like the lock-pick bracelets they wore but the charms were wirework flowers.  
"Earl, just give it to her. She won't _like_ you but she'll like that you got her something."  
"I can't. I can't talk to her. If I see her I'll throw up or something. Don't you ever feel like that about anyone?"  
Cecil shook his head and shrugged.  
"I don't think I'll bother falling in love. It sounds horrible. Okay, give it to me."  
Cecil waited until Earl was out of sight before going inside, up to Sis's room and knocking. Sis yelled and he poked his head around the door.  
"Sis? Earl made you this." He held out the bracelet. Sis took it and frowned at him. "He likes you. Please be nice about it, he's scared of you."  
Sis smiled and ruffled Cecil's hair.  
"That's cute. Tell him th... Tell him I will still kill him if he even looks at me funny." 


	8. Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Earl and Cecil decide to go straight for their _Advanced Interrogation_ badge, bypassing the easier levels by careful choice of victim. It is going to take careful planning and practise. They will need help. 
> 
> Earl's dad agrees to let them practise on him to make up for letting Cecil find out why he doesn't like him and why he didn't want him around Earl.
> 
> But why is Sis so agreeable when Cecil asks her to help, is there something she wants to know about their intended interrogation candidate?

Cecil and Earl, suffering a little at school after finding out that their teachers actually talked to each other and had rumbled their homework ruse, were on detention every day for as long as it took to do their homework under close supervision. There was no way they could trade history for math ever again, or at least for the several weeks it would take for their teachers to get tired of supervising them after school. Both mothers had been contacted. Earl received a lecture from his father about how cheating like this was only cheating himself out of the opportunity to learn about history. Cecil got a lecture from his brother because the phone call home had woken mom up on a night-shift day.  
"Cecil, you have to stay out of trouble. You know that."  
"I thought swapping homework with Earl would keep me out of trouble. Nobody phoning home about my awful math every week."  
"How bad is it?"  
"I got a D"  
"Oh. Look, if I'm home you can ask me or Sis for help."  
"Sis got me an F."  
"Ask me then. Just... no more phone calls home, okay?"  
"Okay. Thanks, Bruv. I got scouts, Earl's here."  
Cecil's brother frowned.  
"Well bring 'im back here after. I want to tell him off too." 

Scoutmaster had been livid. He'd called Cecil and Earl over before the start of the meeting.  
"You cheated, you lied. And do you know what the worst thing is? The most humiliating thing for a Scout? The thing you should be truly ashamed of?"  
Cecil and Earl studied their boots.  
"Um, Scoutmaster, we didn't take the chance to learn something new?"  
"Wrong, Harlan."  
"We gave up?"  
"Wrong, Palmer."  
Scoutmaster scowled at the boys as they continued to find the shiny toes of their regulation footwear Very Interesting. He would have to tell them.  
"You. Got. Caught. For the next month you will assist the younger scouts with their badgework." 

Their disgrace was over eventually, ending with the end of term. Earl had a birthday and crowed about finally being a proper teenager. Cecil went to his birthday party but mostly hid from the other boisterous teens and almost-teens as Earl's mother and his own Sis organised their games of musical statues, spin-the-bottle and pin-the-tentacle-on-the-alien. Sis found him.  
"Come out, bruv."  
Cecil shook his head as a scream reverberated up through the floorboards.  
"There's food. If you stay there you won't get any."  
Cecil waited until Sis had left and wriggled out, earning a playful scratch from the cat who had settled beside him. He went downstairs and out into the yard where Earl's dad was busy with the grill.  
"Oh! um, hi Cecil. I didn't know you were here. Burger or hotdog? Here, have both. You look hungry. You should've been here earlier, Earl's mom rigged spin-the-bottle so Earl had to kiss your Sis. Sis was furious. Poor Earl, she gave him a peck on the cheek and he ran off and shut himself in his room."  
Cecil took the burger and the hot dog and giggled.  
"He likes Sis."  
"Yeah, I thought he... I mean, I wondered if you..." Mr Harlan smiled at Cecil. "Why don't you take some food up to Earl? See if he's stopped blushing yet?" 

Cecil knocked on Earl's door.  
"It's me, I got food. You okay?"  
He interpreted the muffled sound as an invitation and went in, shutting the door behind him. Earl was face down on his bed.  
"Oh gods I'm so embarrassed. I could kill mom."  
Cecil giggled.  
"It was mean. How annoyed was Sis?"  
Earl sat up. "Very. It was horrible. I could tell she wanted to yell about how disgusting I am."  
"You're not disgusting. Well, maybe after a week of camp and no soap... At least your dad's nice to me now he knows you like Sis and not me."  
Earl frowned. "But I do like y... Oh! Great. Now I'm pissed at both of my parents."  
"Why are you upset with your dad?"  
"Because he's okay with Sis kissing me but if you did it he'd probably not let you come round any more. I heard him and mom talking about it. Mom called him names and laughed at him until he shut up."  
They ate, chatting about nothing much until Earl decided they should go back to the party. Mainly because they heard someone mention cake. 

Cecil stayed to help clear up the paper plates and plastic cups from the yard then he and Earl had badge work to do. Their latest challenge was _interrogation_ and they had to choose someone to capture, restrain and question. They had already decided that teachers were too dangerous and far too likely to hold long lasting grudges. Earl shoved Cecil over and wrestled him until he shut up when he suggested Earl might like to capture Sis and tie her up before asking a range of personal questions.  
"Your Bruv? We could ask him where he got his new clothes from."  
"He got a job at the office block mom sometimes works at. Too easy if we want to skip basic and go straight to the intermediate badge."  
"Yeah. My dad? Ask him where he gets his stupid ideas from?"  
Cecil laughed and Earl joined in.  
"No, I can tell he still thinks I'm weird."  
They thought quietly for a while.  
"Um, Cecil, do you think we could get the advanced badge if we interrogate... Umm... He won't be expecting it."  
Cecil and Earl dared each other with their eyes and giggled.  
"Okay, I gotta go. Come round tomorrow so we can plan?"  
"Yeah. Hope Sis will be out."  
Cecil, quiet and giggly, made a suggestion to Earl that made him snort and giggle too. He nodded. On their way to the door, as Earl's dad waved goodbye to Cecil, Cecil threw his arms around Earl and planted a kiss on his cheek before running down the path to the sound of Earl and his mom laughing. 

Earl arrived late morning, shuffling past Sis with his head down after she opened the door for him. Sis rolled her eyes and put a hand on his arm to stop him from escaping.  
"Earl?"  
"Hnnngh?"  
"This is stupid. You're a nice kid. A nice _kid._ I'm flattered that you like me but that's all. Can you stop being all... _like this_ around me? It's embarrassing for us both."  
"Hngnnnngh."  
"Thanks for the bracelet. Did you make it yourself? The wirework is really good."  
Earl squeaked out a _yes_ and shot off upstairs to Cecil's room.  
"She spoke to me. Sis spoke to me and she wasn't even threatening to kill me. It was scary."  
Cecil laughed. 

They planned and plotted, schemed and settled on a course of action.  
"We need ropes or something."  
"Hmm, cable ties might be easier, he'll be squirmy."  
"Yeah. And somewhere to take him, although he's quite big so it might be better to lure him to wherever we pick."  
"Mmm, I thought the scout hut? It'll be deserted once the meet is over."  
"Oooh yes! Genius. What can we do to make him talk?"  
"Sis had an idea about that. She wants to help. Dunno why, she always says scouts are lame."  
"Can we trust her? Sure? Okay. I'll get cable ties, you and Sis sort out interrogation. Will your Bruv let us practise restraining on him? No? Let's go to my house and I'll ask my dad." 

Mr Harlan, who could remember having been a scout once, graciously allowed the boys to practise capturing and restraining him.  
"Earl, I could get out of this with one good swing. You need to stay really close so that I can't punch or kick."  
"Cecil, tighter. Don't worry about it hurting. I'm your captive, right?"  
"Okay, once you've got my hands tied behind me you need to get me off balance. Oooh! Yes, that was good, I almost fell. A blindfold would make it easier to disorientate me. Earl, ask your mum if she's got a black throw or something"  
"Cecil, before Earl gets back I wanted to say that I'm sorry for the way I've behaved around you. I was brought up with certain, um, _values,_ and it can be hard to let them go. I made some assumptions about you based on the way you act."  
Cecil pulled the cable ties a little tighter.  
"That's okay Mr Harlan. I think I get it. I probably am, by the way."  
"Uh?"  
"Gay." 

Earl and Cecil had one last run-through. Earl's dad stood still as they crept up behind him. Cecil threw the black fabric over his head as Earl twisted his hands behind him and Cecil looped a cable tie, pulling it tight around his wrists. Earl pulled his dad backwards until he overbalanced and fell on the ground. Cecil and Earl both launched themselves onto his legs to hold him still and looped a bigger, reinforced tie around his feet, followed by another around his ankles.  
Earl pulled at his dad's arms, forcing him to struggle upwards and Cecil provided a chair for him to collapse back on to. They secured arms and ankles to the chair and stood back.  
"Dad? How was that?"  
"Proud of you, son, remind me never to annoy you."  
Earl and Cecil high-fived.  
"Remember your target might be armed. If he reaches his knife you're fu... in trouble."  
Cecil had a solution.  
"We need to get it off him before we attack." 

Wednesday came, not soon enough for Earl's dad who was bruised and had red weals around his wrists and ankles from Cecil's over-zealous restraints. The boys walked home from school, talking of nothing else.  
"Is Sis ready?"  
"Yes, she's going to say she's meeting us after for ice cream. She's bringing everything she needs."  
"Great. Your house? Homework?"  
"Yeah, but we better not trade any more."  
"No, you do your math, I'll do my history and we can help each other if we get stuck."  
"When. You mean when we get stuck."  
"Yeah, that." 

After homework, after dinner reheated by Cecil, after Cecil got changed into his uniform, after walking to Earl's with growing giggly excitement, after Earl got his uniform on, after a last minute equipment check, after a solemn handshake and a gruff _good luck_ from Earl's dad, they set off for their Scout meet.  
The meeting went so slowly that Cecil questioned whether there was some kind of time warp in the Scout hut. The boys tried desperately not to catch each other's eyes as they worked with some of the cub scouts on basic knife skills. Cecil hid his knife, throwing it behind a rack of slowly drying pelts that the Fear Scouts had brought back from a weekend expedition.  
He approached the Scoutmaster, head down. He saluted.  
"Scoutmaster?"  
"What's the problem, Palmer?"  
"I've left my knife at home, sir. Can I please borrow yours to demonstrate basic disembowelling techniques to Cub Scout Williams?"  
Scoutmaster sighed but held out his knife, hilt towards Cecil.  
"Palmer, I expect better from an Eagle Scout. Here, be careful with it."  
As he turned and walked back to the waiting Cub Scout, Cecil winked and smiled at Earl. 

Earl and Cecil hung back at the end of the meeting, pretending to admire Scoutmaster's knife until all the other scouts had gone and they saw Sis peering into the hut. She saw them, waved and retreated to wait for her cue.  
Scoutmaster was packing up and checking equipment. Without turning round, he spoke.  
"Palmer? My knife please?"  
Cecil and Earl launched their attack. It went perfectly. Scoutmaster yelled and swore then laughed as he realised what was happening.  
"Nice play, boys, you certainly deserve a badge for _disregard of personal safety,_ but you have to get information out of me. Have you thought that far ahead?"  
Cecil made sure the makeshift hood obscured Scoutmaster's vision.  
"Yes, Scoutmaster."  
He stamped hard on the floor five times and Sis sailed in. She walked over without speaking and removed a bottle from her bag. She nodded to Earl, who grabbed Scoutmaster's hair and pulled his head back as she opened the bottle and held it to Scoutmaster's mouth. Cecil pinched Scoutmaster's nose, giving him the choice of drink or drown.  
He drank.  
When he began to giggle, they started asking questions. 

Earl started.  
"How old are you?"  
Cecil followed up with something a little meatier.  
"How many secret badges are there and how many have you got?"  
Scoutmaster answered these easily and truthfully, confirming that he was forty and he had a total of five of the thirteen secret badges and when he had all thirteen he would be able to choose the next Scoutmaster and it would probably be Earl so he was taking his time waiting for Earl to be ready.  
Earl fistpumped the air then high-fived Cecil. Sis cut in with her own question.  
"Where were you on Saturday night and who were you with?"  
Scoutmaster giggled, unable to see the three pairs of eyes focused entirely on him.  
"Sshhh, Scoutmasters aren't supposed to! Shhh! A date. I took a lovely. Lovely lady out. Out to dinner. Nice place you know Gino's? Real nice. I like her, I really like her. I should tell her . I should. Tell her I love her. Oh! Haha, sshhh..."  
Earl, curious, asked, "who is it?"  
"Oh you gotta promise not to tell. Promise?"  
"I promise, Scout's honour, sir."  
Scoutmaster grinned and giggled.  
"Mrs. Gershwin. Palmer. Shhh. Not to tell. Not to tell Cecil or Sis. Cos we can't. Can't. Not allowed." 

Sis punched the air.  
"Knew it! I _knew_ mom had a boyfriend! She's been dressing up on Saturdays for _weeks_ "  
Cecil stared at her.  
"But this is _Mom!_ She can't have a boyfriend!"  
Earl shrugged.  
"Why not, Cecil? Gotta admit, Scoutmaster would be an okay stepdad and..."  
Sis interrupted.  
"No, that's not allowed. Scoutmasters are forbidden from having their own families. You know, in case they favour their own kids over the scouts."  
"But _mom!_ And _Scoutmaster!_ "  
Cecil looked at the two pairs of eyes rolling at him.  
"Sis, are you okay with this?"  
"Cecil, mom has a life beyond looking after us and I'm happy for her! Get over it! And if you say _anything_ to her about it I will..."  
"Kill me. I know. Can we still go for ice cream?" 

They untied Scoutmaster, wrote him an apology letter and tucked it into the pocket of his shirt before making him comfortable on a couple of the animal pelts. He fell asleep. Cecil frowned.  
"Shouldn't we take him home? Make sure he's okay?"  
Earl bit his lip.  
"Yeah I guess, do you know where he lives?"  
Sis rolled her eyes and started searching Scoutmaster's pockets.  
"Honestly, I'm a better scout than you two put together despite being asked to leave the Girlscouts for being a bad influence. Here."  
She found a drivers' licence in the Scoutmaster's wallet. He lived nearby. Sis declared Scoutmaster's house to be within staggering distance. She searched his other pockets for keys after Cecil and Earl persuaded him to his feet. Only Earl and Sis were tall enough to support the Scoutmaster as they gently nudged him home. Cecil took charge of the keys, locking up the Scout hut after he retrieved his knife and opening the Scoutmaster's front door, carefully scanning for traps and ready to duck, dive and dodge. They left the Scoutmaster on his sofa with a glass of water beside him and the note on the table beside him, carefully locking up and posting his keys through his letterbox.  
Sis giggled.  
"Mom's going to kill us but that was totally worth it. See you losers later, I have a date." 


	9. Desert Survival

Scoutmaster forgave Earl and Cecil eventually and never learned of Sis's involvement. He grudgingly gave the boys their _Advanced Interrogation_ badges which meant that soon Cecil qualified to be a Blood Pact Scout and Earl reached Dreadnaught Scout a few weeks after that.  
The boys recognised that they had overstepped a boundary and kept their heads down for months, working diligently at the basic levels of badges like _desert navigation_ and _electronic surveillance._ Neither of the boys, nor Sis nor Scoutmaster, ever spoke of that evening again. Scoutmaster gave the troop a pep-talk the week after his ordeal, explaining at length that _a Scout can be relied upon to be discreet._  
So whenever Cecil saw his mom dressed to go out, all he ever said was _You look nice, mom, have a good time_ then either settled down to watch television with Sis if she was official babysitter or went to Earl's for a sleepover. 

Things had picked up at home. He got pocket-money. Bruv had gone to college and lived on campus so Cecil got a bigger room. Cecil's mom still worked long hours but was around more to give him attention and advice, usually about mirrors. About avoiding them. This made Cecil giggle, there was only one mirror in the house: the big hall mirror that was always covered unless Sis was peering into the corner of it to check her eyeliner. It had always been covered for as long as they had lived in the house, nobody ever asked about it. The one time he peeked at the corner of the mirror, he barely recognised the gangly, long-haired, skinny kid as himself.  
Earl had changed. He was taller and broader and had a hint of fluff along his upper lip that Cecil slightly envied and Sis teased him about. Cecil was taller too, but hadn't shot up the way Earl had.  
"Give it time," Earl's mom had said. "Meantime, you want to take some of Earl's old clothes? They'll fit you now, tide you over until you see what size you're gonna be."  
Cecil had said thanks, quietly replacing his own half-mast school trousers, straining shirts and too-short Scout shorts with Earl's hand-me-downs. Sis helped him sort his things out and their mom pretended not to notice. He wondered if he was supposed to feel ashamed about wearing Earl's old clothes but decided that wearing his own too-small stuff or Bruv's old clothes from the decade that fashion forgot would be far worse. 

It was during a sleepover at Earl's that they decided to try for their _advanced desert survival_ badges on the winter camp. Scoutmaster had simply informed Cecil that he was going on the camp and said he had sorted out permission from his mom already. Earl quietly explained his ambition as he and Cecil lay on top of Earl's bed in their sleeping bags.  
"I want to get to Fear Scout by this time next year, eighteen months max, so that as soon as I'm sixteen I can enrol as a young leader and start training to be a scoutleader. But I need more advanced badges. _Desert survival_ isn't too bad, basic was easy, all we have to do is get dropped off and find our way back to camp within eight days, surviving on whatever we can find."  
Cecil was less sure.  
"Uh, Earl? The desert will be cold at night and we will have to make new shelters every night wherever we are. It's a desert so there's not much to make shelters from."  
"That's what makes it _advanced._ It's supposed to be hard. And we might get extra time off school!"  
"Really? We better make some plans then."  
Earl smiled. They drifted off to sleep whispering about shelters and hunting techniques and triumphant success. 

Scoutmaster frowned when Earl told him that they wanted to skip intermediate and go straight to advanced.  
"You will need to prove to me that you are at least of intermediate standard. I'm not worried about you, Harlan, but Palmer is only a Blood Pact Scout and has not done the necessary preparation. You can't make a success of this badge if you're carrying someone."  
"Scoutmaster, Cecil's good enough I'm sure. I don't want to go with anyone else."  
"You'd be better off with one of the Dark Scouts or even teaming up with the Fear Scouts if they'll have you."  
"We've made plans, Scoutmaster. I can't... Sir? I can't think of anyone else whose company I could stand for that long. The other scouts are great but... urgh. A whole week? Talking about... Stuff."  
Scoutmaster tried not to laugh at the look of horror on the face of the young Dreadnought Scout in front of him.  
"What stuff?"  
Earl looked down.  
"When you made me go on patrol with the Fear Scouts that one time, all they talked about was girls and football. Cecil tells stories." 

It was settled. Scoutmaster said he would help Earl and Cecil train in the sand wastes at the weekend to assess their chances of not dying during their badge effort. He chose a weekend when the temperature was forecast to drop well below freezing overnight from a comfortable daytime warmth. He arranged to pick up the boys at Cecil's house before driving them out into the desert, off road amongst the scrubby bushes and low-growing cacti.  
Cecil had done his research. For their basic level badge, they only had to stay out for two nights and food had not been an issue because Cecil's mom had packed his backpack with enough cereal bars and dried beef to share. This time they would have their baggage searched to make sure they had standard emergency rations only: one litre of water each plus whatever food could be packed into a small ziplock sandwich bag. They would be allowed to carry normal winter clothing, their usual scout pocket contents plus a torch, a knife and a small shovel.  
Cecil carefully unpicked the stitching along one of the padded waist straps of his backpack, inserted a lighter and stitched it closed again. 

Scoutmaster was exactly on time. He spoke politely to Cecil's mom in the hallway for a few minutes. As the boys loaded themselves into the back of his truck, he took her hand and smiled.  
"I will make sure he doesn't come to any harm."  
Cecil's mom smiled back, shook her head and laughed.  
"You don't have to. This isn't how he dies."  
"Umm. Okay. You called school?"  
She nodded. 

"Okay, out! First night you can sleep in the truck, in the back. Kit check?"  
Cecil and Earl displayed the contents of their pockets and bags by torchlight.  
"That's all in order. Well done scouts. Now, explain to me what you need to do once I leave you here at dawn?"  
Earl spoke.  
"Find water, drink then carry what we can. Find food, eat and pack any spare. Work out where we are and which direction to travel. Stop well before sunset, find shelter and make camp."  
"And what shelter will you look for?"  
"Abandoned animal dens," said Cecil, "or we could sleep during the day when it's warm and travel at night when the stars are out and movement will keep us from getting cold and we can scare off nocturnal hunters like desert spiderwolves, coyotes and any sand bears that are awake."  
Scoutmaster laughed. Mrs Palmer was right, perhaps he didn't have to worry about this one after all.  
"In that case, scouts, change of plan. You can get started right now. Your meeting point is the abandoned silo. Know where that is? I'll be waiting for you there. This is not a training exercise, this is your test. Be there by dawn a week on Sunday, your parents could only get you one week off school." 

Cecil and Earl looked at each other as Scoutmaster drove away, leaving them with their meagre kit in the chilling air.  
"Neat! A week off!"  
"Cecil, how do you know this stuff?"  
"I read books. Not library ones, you know, proper books. I don't know where they come from, sometimes I just find a new one under my pillow or balanced on top of my door so it falls on me and I read it. The last one was about this sort of stuff. A story about a guy stuck in a desert for months and how he survived. I found it rolled up and stuffed into one of my boots with a handful of raisins."  
"Huh. The only things the Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in my home leaves for me are old birds' nests and photographs of different hairstyles."  
Cecil looked at Earl's mop and laughed.  
"Yeah, I can see why."  
Earl watched the stars and the lights, turning this way and that, pointing and muttering words like _polaris_ and _south of here_ and set off. Cecil followed.  
"So, you gonna grow it long or get it cut short?" 

They walked in silence after Earl decided to get a haircut. It was not completely dark, there was a quarter moon casting light and making deep shadows. They used their torch rarely. The desert was surprisingly lively with small mammals that emerged from their burrows for a harsh diet of tough plants and unwary insects. Cecil jumped as something scurried away from the shadow of his foot and Earl giggled from a few steps ahead.  
"Cecil, you have to keep up. Come on! If you stop to look at everything we'll lose time."  
"Not fair! you have longer legs. I have to take more steps."  
Earl waited and took Cecil's hand when he caught up, pulling him into a faster pace.  
"Take 'em faster then."  
They walked at a compromise pace until it was fully light and they could see rabbit holes and desert squirrel burrows in the pale packed sand around them. Earl removed his shovel.  
"You start making a fire, I'll get us some hibernating desert squirrel for breakfast."  
Cecil made a face, wondering if he was hungry enough for chewy rodent. 

Earl was surprised to find the fire lit and established when he saw Cecil an hour later. He dropped two chubby ground squirrels and a rabbit by Cecil's feet.  
"Oh! You got rabbit!"  
"Yeah, let's save that for later. Pick your breakfast. There's a dried up river bed nearby, I thought we could dig for water there."  
They skinned, gutted and roasted their breakfast over Cecil's fire. Earl frowned.  
"Cecil...?"  
"Uh?"  
"Where exactly did you hide the lighter?" 

Earl watched the fire as Cecil reclined against his backpack, still chewing on the last of the ground squirrel. The day was chasing the night chill away, the warming wind evaporating what little frost had formed from the dry air.  
"We should get water and tidy up here before we sleep."  
Cecil nodded and got up, groaning, to gather the waste from their meal and wrap the cooling roast rabbit. Earl threw sand over the fire and they set off to find the dried riverbed and dig for water, filtering it through Cecil's spare shirt to remove the worst of the grit. The riverbed was bordered by low-growing trees that clung to life firmly with deep roots reaching down and a wide, knotted network of shallow ones to catch dew. On a flat rock, under the shade of a clump of dwarf trees was as good a place as any to rest for the day. The boys made themselves as comfortable and as hidden as possible and settled down to sleep.  
Earl slept badly at first, waking up frequently, alert for danger. He marvelled at Cecil's ability to sleep despite the weakened winter sunshine. But he finally fell asleep and woke up as the temperature began to drop. He was confused for a moment as he regained consciousness, then remembered where he was. He removed the arm he had thrown around his best friend as they slept and sat up.  
"Cecil? Wake up."  
"Mmmmf?"  
"Let's eat then walk." 

The second, third, fourth and fifth nights followed the same pattern as the first. Earl navigated, Cecil entertained with stories made up on a whim, trying to ignore stiff knees and hips and aching muscles. Earl commented that they had followed the course of the dried up river. It took them in almost the right direction and, with luck, they would only have to leave it for the last night of walking. When Cecil lagged behind, Earl took his hand to even out their pace. When they chose a discreet campsite at dawn, Earl went looking for desert squirrel nests while Cecil built a fire then found water. They cooked, ate and slept curled up together. Earl adapted to the unusual sleep pattern by the third day, exhaustion overriding instinct. Cecil often woke with Earl's arm thrown over him, surprised to find he didn't mind. 

The sixth night was different. 

They stopped just as the sun chased away the meagre overnight frost, choosing a flat but sheltered area for their camp.  
Cecil saw it first as he returned to the fire with water. A disconnected patch of shadow betrayed the presence of the sand bear. It was stalking Earl who carried four desert squirrels, swinging two in each hand. 

Cecil didn't shout out, he knew sudden sound might startle the bear into an early attack. He walked slowly towards Earl. Earl frowned but Cecil signalled him to be silent. The patch of shadow stayed a few yards away, stopped when Earl stopped, waited.  
Cecil took the ground squirrels from Earl's hands, dropped them and walked backwards so that he could keep his eyes on the shadow behind Earl. He carefully led his friend away.  
They stopped for a few seconds to pick up their backpacks and water bottles, abandoned the fire and walked more quickly away along a path perpendicular to the riverbed. Cecil kept looking behind, looking for shadows that should not be there, listening for sounds other than their own footfall and breathing.  
They both paused and looked at each other as the sand bear found their abandoned breakfast, not wanting to see the source of the sound that suggested tearing and grinding and swallowing.  
Cecil nodded. They should look, so few people had seen more than the shadow. Most people who encountered a sand bear didn't get the chance to see what was going to kill them.  
The boys looked behind them, just a glance, then ran as fast as they could. 

They ran until Earl grabbed Cecil's backpack to slow him down and pull him to a walk.  
"Have we lost it?"  
"Them. I saw two eating our squirrels."  
"Shit. Have they followed us?"  
Cecil scanned the desert behind them, looking intently at every shadow to see if it twitched or shifted.  
"I don't know. I'll walk backwards, you walk forwards, I'll see if any shadows follow us."  
They set off, Earl guiding Cecil so that he didn't trip as Cecil concentrated on searching for stalking creatures. Neither of them could clear the image of slavering jaws, too many eyes and limbs that reached out and ended in hook-like claws that could pin a young scout to the rocky ground like a rat to a dissection board. They walked hand in hand this way, slowly, for about a mile before Cecil was sure.  
"I think we lost them." 

Back at the boys' abandoned campsite, Scoutmaster kicked sand over the fire and set off, behind him the unforgettable sound of one sand bear busily devouring the other he had slaughtered. He'd have a word with the boys when they reached the silo. Four squirrels wouldn't keep a sand bear busy for long enough to escape. 

They walked through as much of the day as they could, chewing on their emergency rations. Eventually they had to rest. They gathered fuel for a fire, never straying far from one another.  
"It must be near noon. Cecil, you sleep and I'll watch. I'll wake you so that I can sleep later."  
Cecil nodded and was asleep quickly. Earl shaped their kindling and dry branches ready for lighting and investigated the nearby cacti for pulp that might provide water.  
Cecil woke to find the fire lit and Earl wrapped around him for warmth. Their breath clouded in the new night air. He looked up at the stars and the lights, then at Earl's face in the firelight.  
"Earl."  
No response. Earl was exhausted. Cecil shifted, wincing as his overused muscles complained, turning to face his best friend.  
"Earl?"  
Earl groaned a little and moved, sinking his head into Cecil's shoulder.  
Cecil hated having to do it, but he woke Earl with a shake.  
"Hey, it's getting cold, we better get moving before we freeze." 

Earl groaned and got up.  
"Oh, you lit the fire."  
"Nope, you did."  
"Uh?"  
"And you found more rabbit before you forgot to wake me up."  
"Uh? No I..."  
They looked at the lit fire, bigger than the one they had built foundations for, and the full water bottles and two skinny rabbits a couple of feet away.  
"Hungry?" 

They cooked and ate then Earl stared at the sky, made calculations in his head based on where they had been and the direction they had run then walked.  
"We don't have far. If we walk through tonight and tomorrow we might be there by sunset."  
Cecil struggled to his feet and sighed.  
"Earl, this sucks. Let's get it over."  
"Yeah."  
They walked slowly but steadily, hand in hand. Cecil told stories he made up, Earl sang. They argued and giggled alternately, played _where to hide the body_ and speculated upon the general demise of people who annoyed them. 

Towards evening of the following day, trudging through sand and over rocks, Earl spied the silo control hut in the distance. They sped up, jogging to their finish line. Scoutmaster was waiting.  
"Well done boys, you're alive. I had my doubts a couple of times. Get in."  
Scoutmaster's truck was there, doors open. The young scouts got in and fell asleep almost before Scoutmaster started the engine.  
Cecil woke up in his own bed at home with Earl beside him. He wanted to get up but his legs would not cooperate enough. He tried to scoot down the bed without waking Earl.  
"Cecil?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You're my best friend."  
"Yeah." 

They did not get their advanced badges. Scoutmaster explained about the sand bears and the food issue, told them maybe next time... Cecil was happy with the intermediate badge and being alive. Earl wanted to try again immediately.  
"Earl, you know I'd help, right? If it was the right time, yeah?"  
"What are you saying, Cecil?"  
"I want to do this with you, but please let me stop hurting from this time first."  
"Oh! I guess... yeah okay. In the spring? Yeah?"  
"Okay. And we plan better."  
Earl grinned at Cecil as he sewed on his intermediate badge. Spring promised to be good. 


	10. Sand Bears and Secrets

Cecil woke with the sound of a scream in his ears and a vague awareness that it was his. Sis was shaking his shoulder, calling his name. He focused on his sister's face in the not-quite-pitch of the room. He saw concern melt into relief.  
"You're okay, Cecil, you're safe."  
Cecil sat up to wake properly and dispel the last tenacious fragments of his dream. He shook himself.  
"Same one?"  
He nodded.  
"Earl was being ripped open by sand bears and eaten alive and I couldn't do anything to stop it."  
"Urgh. Hug?"  
"No I'm okay. Sorry I woke you again."  
Sis could hear the telephone in the hall, mom answering it. It would be Earl's mom again, confirming the boys' impossible shared horror. 

Scoutmaster had given the boys a thorough debrief on their _desert survival_ performance once they had recovered from the physical pain of overused quads and calves and were left only with the mental backlash from their close encounter with the semi-telepathic sand bears who broke invisibility only to mate or to gorge on the recently dead. Sometimes one activity followed the other.  
"You did well to spot the shadow of one of them and not panic, Cecil, that saved both your lives. However, your squirrels delayed them for only a few minutes. You needed to get at least a mile away to ensure they would give up and wait for something easier to devour."  
Cecil and Earl nodded, a little ashamed at their naivety.  
"Next time you try for your advanced badge, remember you're allowed a rocket firework and three matches in your pack. _Emergency use only_ can include aiming one straight at anything that wants to kill you."  
Earl and Cecil looked at each other guiltily. Neither of them had thought to pack the permitted firework, arrogance making them believe they would not get into danger and have to use it as a distress flare, lack of the right sort of imagination leading them not to consider its potential use as a weapon.  
"And you did not eat anywhere near enough. You got slower and slower each day and you ached. Next time, pack your emergency rations more carefully and go after bigger prey. Ground squirrels are easy over the winter, in spring try to kill one of the wild deer, but make sure it's a truly wild one first, the door to door sales deer sometimes stray quite far if they've made good money. Better still, a desert sheep would last a few days and be easier to catch."  
Earl and Cecil shuffled a little.  
"Honestly, scouts, if I had to survive on as little as you pair ate, I'd've been on the brink of homicide by the time I got back to civilisation."  
It was several minutes before Cecil and Earl could meet each other's gaze directly. There had been moments of pettiness where Earl strode off and Cecil couldn't keep up, or where Cecil told stories like _The Arrogant Asshole who got Eaten by Spiderwolves._

There was a new face at the Scout meet. Scoutmaster called Cecil and Earl over.  
"Scouts, this is Dr. Nita, who would like to know more about your experience with sand bears. I don't need to remind you that a scout is always loyal and trustworthy? No? Good."  
Earl and Cecil frowned at each other as Scoutmaster walked away to deal with an incident involving a Fear Scout, an Eagle Scout and a bucket of scorpions that were resisting hypnosis.  
Dr Nita held out a hand for a handshake. Both scouts saluted instead. The hand was retracted, untouched.  
"Hi boys. I'm researching sand bear activity in this area and I wondered if you could answer some questions?"  
Silent, quizzical stares.  
"Okay. Have the nightmares stopped yet?" 

Half an hour later, Dr Nita knew that Cecil had seen both sand bears. Cecil described mantis-like forelimbs ending in hooks, multiple bulbous eyes set in a head that seemed too big for the body, rows of backward facing teeth that prevented the creature from releasing prey and meant it had no choice but to rip and swallow once it engaged those prehensile jaws. The boys' story matched previous reports. Dr Nita tried to show them an artist's impression of an uncloaked sand bear but both scouts screwed their eyes tight and refused to look. The scouts described their matching nightmares, relishing a level of realistic detail that made Dr Nita shudder.  
Dr Nita listened to Cecil's version of the nightmare, then Earl's.  
"My scientific hypothesis is that you still have some connection to the sand bears that were hunting you. You will continue to dream about the sand bears' desire to kill you and eat you until the sand bears are dead. Or forget. We have no information on the long term memory of sand bears but your experience suggests it is better than we give them credit for. You know people used to think sand bears were ghosts of people lost in the desert, looking for revenge on their friends who left them?"  
Cecil spoke up with a question.  
"So to stop the nightmares we have to kill the sand bears we saw?"  
"That is what I think. Thank you for your information."  
Scoutmaster returned and asked the boys to help search for missing scorpions. He saluted Dr Nita and they left the hut together. Scoutmaster returned as the sound of a car engine starting roared inside the hut.  
"You didn't happen to mention that there is only one sand bear left, did you? Good boys. I knew I could count on you not to mention that I killed a member of a protected species." 

The following week, after seven interrupted nights for two households, Cecil brought an idea to Scoutmaster.  
"The nightmares are getting worse, Scoutmaster. Could that mean the sand bear is getting closer? Is it looking for us?"  
"Hmm. Dr Nita said that the intensity and frequency of your dreams might be affected by proximity. I could ask..."  
"No! Please, I don't want to talk about it more. I want to kill it."  
"Palmer? _You_ want to kill a sand bear?"  
"In my dream, sir, it's horrible. Earl dies screaming and I can't help him. Every night."  
Scoutmaster watched for a moment as Cecil bit his lip and stared at the floor, face red, blinking rapidly. He remembered Cecil's calm precision as he shot a snared spiderwolf in the woods on a camp once.  
"We need your mom's permission, and Earl's parents'. We go as a three and you do exactly what I tell you, when I tell you, and if I have not told you to do something you don't do it. Understood and agreed?"  
Cecil nodded. Twice. 

That weekend, Scoutmaster picked the boys up from Cecil's house again. Like last time, he hurried the scouts out into his truck and lingered in the hallway with Cecil's mother.  
"You should tell him."  
"If anyone else knew..."  
"Have you any idea how many people are just waiting for one of us to say something or do something to confirm whatever this is?" Cecil's mom smiled. "We don't need to hide from this."  
Scoutmaster sighed, leaned over and kissed the striking woman beside him.  
"I only know how to be Scoutmaster. I can't lose that."  
"I know. Listen, this is a little thing, but..."  
Scoutmaster did listen, then smiled and nodded. 

Scoutmaster stopped the truck near where they had first encounter the creatures. He explained his plan to track the sand bear from this point along the route the boys had taken to the abandoned silo then towards town until it revealed itself. It was risky, Earl pointed out with alarm that he and Cecil were bait. Scoutmaster reassured him that Cecil had proved himself a capable shadow-spotter and they were all armed.  
"But a _gun_ Scoutmaster? It's not very... _Scoutly._ "  
"Dreadnought Scout Harlan, are you telling your Scoutmaster how to be a scout?"  
"No sir!"  
Cecil laughed.  
"Earl, this is to save our families' sanity, not for a badge."  
Scoutmaster waggled an eyebrow.  
"Blood Pact Scout Palmer, are you about to advise your Scoutmaster on valid badge tasks?" 

It took two days of trekking to track the sand bear. It might be more accurate to say that the sand bear tracked the trio. Late on Sunday. Cecil saw a shadow behind them. A shadow with no object between it and the weak winter sun. He tapped Scoutmaster's elbow and pointed.  
"There"  
"Stay calm, Harlan, Palmer. Keep walking. Cecil, keep watching."  
Cecil turned to walk backwards. Earl took his hand. Scoutmaster, as quietly as possible, loaded a shotgun and handed it to Cecil.  
"Wait."  
Cecil took the shotgun in his free hand. Scoutmaster loaded his handgun and passed it to Earl.  
"Cecil are you ready?"  
Cecil let go Earl's hand and brought the shotgun up to aim at the space where there should be an object casting that fuzzy, moving shadow. His voice was steady and firm.  
"Yes, Scoutmaster."  
"Ready, Harlan?"  
Earl raised the handgun. It was surprisingly heavy, despite the target practice session he had attended in Scoutmaster's backyard.  
"Yes, Scoutmaster."  
"Harlan, be alert. Cecil, fire when you are ready."  
The shotgun went off once followed by three shots from the handgun. 

Scoutmaster approached the carcass and signalled for the boys to join him.  
"One more, Earl. There." He pointed at a spot on the head of the twitching animal. Earl aimed close and fired once, the gun jumped in his hand. He swore.  
"Okay, the usual rule is...?"  
The scouts chorused, "Catch it, kill it, eat it."  
Scoutmaster nodded.  
"Not today, we bury this, literally and metaphorically. Understand?"  
Cecil and Earl nodded and removed their shovels from their backpacks. It was hard work digging a grave big enough and deep enough for a sand bear but they did it. By sunset the sand bear was interred.  
They made camp. For the first time in weeks Cecil and Earl slept untroubled by dreams of slavering jaws and helpless screams.

Scoutmaster decided they had earned a day off school and called on behalf of both boys' parents before delivering them to Cecil's house. Cecil's mother was at work and Sis was on her way out to high school. Earl knew his parents would both have left for work already so he stayed with Cecil.  
"My dream, I never really told you about it," Earl began.  
"It's okay," Cecil replied, "I guess our dreams matched since they came from the same sand bear."  
"Yeah, but... Cecil, it really bothered me. Just listen, okay? If you hate me after... I'll deal with it."  
"I won't hate you."  
"I dreamed that the sand bear's claws pinned you down and it was eating you alive and I was pinned down too so that I had to see but I couldn't stop it from happening. You were in so much pain... Cecil it was..."  
Earl started to cry.  
"Hey, we're fine." Cecil put an arm around Earl's shoulders. It felt odd but okay. "My dream was like yours, but you were the one dying. Weird, eh?"  
"Yeah, I guess."  
Without any more unnecessary words, the young scouts hugged, got completely under the covers of Cecil's bed and slept in safety without letting go. 

Bruv woke them up mid afternoon.  
"Hey Cee, hey Earl, can't sleep all day or you'll be up all night. Earl, your dad brought your things for the morning so you're staying over, but call your mom cos she wants to know you're okay."  
"Bruv!"  
Cecil grinned at his big brother.  
"I'm home for a coupla days. 'S your birthday."  
"Yeah, so it is."  
"I've not bought you anything, sorry. No money. But I made this."  
Cecil unwrapped the parcel Bruv offered him. He grinned wider and pulled on the teeshirt with the hand printed purple moon logo on it.  
"Thanks, Bruv!"  
"Yeah, glad you like it. But dudes, have a bath. You both fucking stink." 

Later, Cecil's mom cooked dinner. Cecil wore his new shirt and showed everyone the pen Sis had given him. Earl found a gift already wrapped and addressed to Cecil in the bag his dad had dropped off.  
"Cecil? I guess this is from me. I don't know what it is."  
Cecil laughed and tore the gaudy paper off. He traced the embossed words of the title and showed Earl. _Night Vale Community Radio Past, Present and Prophecy._  
"Earl, this is... just... So NEAT! I can't wait to read it."  
Earl grinned. Cecil hugged him for the briefest moment and ran upstairs to hide his new book.  
Earl was still waiting in the hallway when Cecil came back downstairs.  
"Thank the gods, for a horrible moment I thought my mom had bought you underpants." 

They sat at the dining table, an honour reserved for special occasions and birthdays didn't always count. There were six places set. Cecil, Earl, Bruv and Sis sat in a square, leaving the two ends free. One for mom and the other...?  
"Mom, you set an extra place."  
"I know sweetheart, I invited someone else."  
"Who?"  
"Oh, someone you all know. He's a little bit nervous about being here so please be kind. Remember the Palmers are good hosts."  
The doorbell rang.  
"Cecil, can you answer the door please?"  
Cecil shot out of his seat and opened the front door. He frowned.  
"Is something wrong?"  
"No. Can I come in? I brought these for your mom."  
Cecil stood back and Scoutmaster stepped into the house carrying the most ridiculously large bouquet of flowers Cecil had seen outside of a funeral parlour.  
"Don't think we've got a vase." 

Dinner was excruciatingly awkward. Bruv and Sis made innuendo-laden comments which mom and Scoutmaster ignored _Ooh tender, did you beat the meat? Anyone know what to do with a spare sausage? Can I dip my vegetables in your sauce?_ until they reached saturation and mom snapped at them to leave the table.  
"Sorry. I should have warned them."  
"It's okay. Really, could have been a lot worse."  
Cecil and Earl sat with burning faces.  
"You boys know I have a name other than _Scoutmaster_ don't you?"  
"Yes... umm.. sir."  
"Maybe we'll work on that. I brought your badges, I'm sorry you can't have a ceremony on Wednesday."  
He handed over two fabric patches, completely black circles made from a fabric that seemed to suck in light and exude darkness.  
 _"Kill a sand bear_ is one of the secret badges, you have to sew it on the inside of your sash. It counts as double-advanced. You did a great job out there at the weekend. Have your bad dreams stopped?"  
"Yes, Scoutmaster. Mom?"  
Cecil's mom nodded and the boys raced upstairs. 

Bruv and Sis were waiting for them.  
"Earl, you can't tell anyone Scoutmaster was here."  
"I wasn't going to!"  
"Not even your mom and dad. If he's reported to be too friendly with the parent of a scout he'll be replaced."  
"Okay. I won't say anything. I wasn't going to anyway."  
"Just making sure. Mom's happy, that's all."  
Cecil nodded and sat on his bed between Sis and Bruv for a moment. Long enough for Earl to see how similar the siblings were. Sis and Bruv went out and Earl was left with Cecil. He smiled.  
"Things never turn out quite how I expect in your family, Cecil. Want to get into bed and you can read your book to me until we fall asleep?"  
Cecil nodded. They changed into pyjamas and got into Cecil's bed. Cecil read out loud the story of how NVCR was established by two people considered to be insane geniuses with merely a tenuous grip on reality, until he realised that Earl was fast asleep with his head on Cecil's shoulder and an arm looped around his waist. Cecil put his book down and settled back against the pillow. He gently stroked Earl's unruly hair and whispered, _goodnight, Earl, goodnight._


	11. Subversive Radio Host

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Earl helps Cecil to make an illicit broadcast. Cecil accepts his punishment, not expecting Earl to want to join him.
> 
> Mr Harlan is not happy.

Cecil was buzzing with excitement. Usually he reacted to the first day of school with a mixture of despair and resignation. Today was different. School was different. It was Cecil's and Earl's first day of High School. 

Sis had given him some advice on what to wear and how to stay under the radar of older kids who wanted to look grown up by being assholes to the new intake.  
"Your taste in clothes is... fine I guess, but for your first few weeks please, please wear something less... Cecil. Okay? Don't stand out. Let someone else be the target, mmh?"  
Cecil frowned.  
"What do you think is going to happen?"  
Sis sighed.  
"You and Earl. You're... close friends. Like _really_ close friends. Yeah? That makes you a target. It's shitty, but that's what some of the kids are like there and the teachers won't do much unless they see you getting hit."  
"We're not boyfriends, Sis. And we're scouts, we can handle it."  
"Are you sure?" 

Cecil opted to take Sis's advice and wore a plain shirt and jeans instead of the bright, beaded tunic and patterned pants he had picked out. He walked to the bus stop where Earl was already waiting.  
"Hi Cecil! You look... umm..."  
"Boring. I know." Cecil rolled his eyes. "I promised Sis I wouldn't draw attention to myself."  
"Oh. She phoned and asked me to look out for you in case you get beat up."  
"Fucking cheek!"  
They both laughed as the bus arrived. Earl didn't tell Cecil that he had promised Sis that he would accompany Cecil everywhere and had quietly organised that some of the older scouts would look out for trouble. _A scout is protective of younger scouts,_ he had pointed out discreetly to older scouts who were his subordinates in rank and badge-count, _even if it pisses them off._

The boys compared timetables. They were in some of the same classes and at least near each other for others so they could meet between lessons and didn't have to barge and weave alone in the corridors. They had the first week with early break and lunch so that they could avoid the corridor crush and prefects to make sure they didn't get lost. One prefect was familiar.  
"Hey, Leann!" Cecil grinned.  
"Cecil, hi. Umm, come to the school News Club. Can you still write? Yeah? Good. Umm, there's another club. The school radio station. You should audition. Bye, gotta go."  
Cecil watched as Leann left with a group of older students.  
There was a school radio station. He _had_ to join that. 

Cecil and Earl compared their day, so far, at lunch.  
"I'm in top set English and bottom set math. You?"  
"Opposite. Trade homework?"  
They laughed. A buzzer sounded and soon the canteen was crowded and noisy.  
"Move! This is our table."  
Cecil and Earl looked up at the mountain of a senior who glowered at them.  
"We were... Ow! Earl?"  
"Hey, we're done anyway. Come on Cecil." 

Once outside, sitting on the grass because the benches and picnic tables were all in use, Cecil rounded on Earl.  
"We should stand up to that sort of shit! Why'd you back down?"  
"Because I don't want us to pick a fight we can't win. Did you see that guy, and the guys behind him? Not worth it."  
"Oh."  
"Cecil, we're bottom of the heap here."  
"I'm starting to get what Sis was talking about."  
"Sucks."  
"Yeah." 

The rest of the week passed without major incident. Earl and Cecil kept their heads down, learned the layout of the school and where not to sit, which corridors to avoid. Cecil went to the first meetings of the newspaper club and the radio club. Earl went to electronics club and tried to keep as close an eye on Cecil as possible. He was aware that he was unlikely to be a target for bullies due to his physical development, but Cecil was average size for his age and looked easy to intimidate. 

Cecil ignored all attempts at bullying for weeks until one day he was physically shoved from Earl's side in the lunch queue. Firm hands restrained Earl as Cecil sprawled.  
"You're in my way, gayboy."  
Cecil stood up and faced his attackers. He shrugged.  
"Am I?"  
"Yeah. And here's a reminder to stay out of the cafeteria..."  
The boy pulled a fist back ready to punch. Earl closed his eyes, imagined a hospital trip and explanations to parents and Scoutmaster. But no blow fell.  
"Cecil! I was looking for you and here you are. You should be up in the English rooms now. Go on, you too... umm... yeah. I'll be there in a moment. Oh hi guys! I see you've met our new media stars, right?" 

Up in the English rooms, Cecil and Earl waited for Leann. She appeared five minutes after they had shut themselves into a classroom, just out of sight of the corridor.  
"Hey! You'll probably be safe from those assholes here. Bring sandwiches in future. Miss D will write you a pass. She runs the secret club for people like us."  
"The what?" asked Earl.  
"Oh, you know, a refuge for people who don't quite fit."  
Cecil smiled.  
"Thanks for the rescue. So, you run the school newspaper?"  
"Yeah, it lacks something though, we need investigative reporters with... _skills."_  
Earl laughed.  
"Cecil's your man, then.

Cecil and Earl spent lunchtimes up in the English rooms with Leann and the news team, and after school in the science block with the radio team and electronics club. Cecil expressed his wish to earn _subversive radio host_ at the scout meet one week after a particularly distressing incident involving a group of their own classmates, a few seniors who used to be scouts and a lot of name calling and physical threats.  
"Y'know, Cecil, we could just let it pass. Or pick them off one by one..."  
Cecil grinned.  
"Yeah, that would be fun. But there's no point in doing anything that will put us in the wrong."  
"What do you want to do?"  
"Well... Leann says the radio broadcasts have to have their scripts approved by her English teacher first, then the recording goes to the assistant principal for approval, then it is broadcast. I plan to patch in a live broadcast instead. I'll need your help with the electronics."  
Earl smiled and punched Cecil's arm. Cecil continued.  
"Thanks, by the way."  
"What for?  
"Not ever getting yourself out of trouble by saying you're not my friend."  
"Cecil, we’re scouts. We stick together." 

Cecil drafted his broadcast. He read it to Earl, who alternately giggled and clapped his hand over his mouth and hissed _you can't say that!_ as Cecil grinned at him, then edited out a few temptingly rude paragraphs.  
Next he read it for Leann, who said there should be proper news in it but that it was _okay, considering._  
He read it for Sis, who told him not to be insane, keep his head down and not draw attention to himself.  
Leann took his fake script for approval and helped him to record the fake broadcast.  
Earl helped Cecil to patch in to the radio electronics, replacing the line carrying his recording with the live feed.  
Earl sat in the dark cupboard in the music corridor, directly above the school radio booth with Cecil as he began to speak into the fluffy microphone with wires that snaked behind the conduit on the wall. He didn’t need his notes.  
 _Listeners? Have you ever considered that what you believe to be fact about yourself and others may be fiction, or that fiction can have its roots buried deep in fear? Let me tell you a story..._

_Imagine a random person. No, imagine yourself. That's easier, you don't need too much imagination for that, listener, do you? Imagine yourself only change one thing that makes you sigh every morning. People tease you about your height? Fine, you can imagine yourself taller. Or shorter. Your friends make fun of your hairstyle? Okay! Imagine yourself with the style you know you could have if only you had the time every morning to spend on it. Get laughed at because you never know the answer in math? Great! Imagine yourself doing all those problems with ease as your classmates try to copy over your shoulder for a change. Imagine you can do that._

_Have you done it? Have you changed that one thing other people use against you? Are you thinking about it, about how much easier your life would be if only... Really? Seriously, is THAT what you get hung up on every day? Is THAT little thing what makes you pick out perceived faults in others? Oh well. Everyone is different. It's not my business to tell you what to change about yourself to feel more at ease. You know better than anyone what makes you different from everyone else. Just know that you're absolutely fine._

_Now imagine yourself having changed that one thing to fit in more easily. Do you feel better, listener? Happier? Of course you do! Why wouldn't you? You just made yourself into someone who is that little bit closer to the person you think your classmates want you to be. They might like you better, stop rolling their eyes and whispering behind your back and maybe talk to you more instead. They might stop calling you names because, after all, you don't have that feature they use against you anymore. You changed it, remember?_

_Wouldn't that be wonderful?_

_Imagine... You changed that one thing and it is not enough. You are neither too tall nor too short, your hair is nice and your math homework is currently in front of your frantically scribbling friends. But there are still whispers and names and jostling in the corridor. People who say they're your friends still point and laugh, like you do to others in turn, because everybody does it, it makes you feel more secure to act like you are somehow better than that person over there._

_Listener, are you looking at that person now? Are you? So you change something else. Listener, what would you change next? Can you imagine a better, more perfect you? Can you do that?_

_Do you want to?_

_Imagine you find that your classmates settle on a thing you can't change. Something so fundamental to who you are that you can't change it and still be the same person. Something you never even thought of as an imperfection._

_Do you change that part of who you are?_  
 _Can you?_  
 _Are you so willing to fit into the mold you think your friends have shaped for you that you change who you are?_

_Listener, the people who call you their friend are thinking hard about what to change to fit your view of how they should look, how they should behave, how they could be more accepted as part of our community._

_I am talking to you, listener. You, amongst all the people who are still listening, this message is for you._

_Imagine a version of you that has chosen to change something quietly, something less obvious. You are still the same height with the same hair and the same numeracy skills as before. Your change is that you decide it is nobody else's concern how tall you are or that your hair does that thing or what grade you got last week. And you decide that it's not your concern if one of your classmates has different taste in clothing or doesn't make the right sacrifices at sunset or is in love with someone._

_Imagine that quiet change._  
 _Imagine all of us make that quiet change._  
 _Imagine every single one of us not judging each other on things that not our concern._

_Wouldn't that be neat?_

After Cecil signed off and Earl disconnected the microphone to reattach the correct audio leads, he and Earl left the cupboard to find Leann waiting.  
"Stay there. Shut the door.”  
Leann pushed the boys back into the cupboard.  
"Stay here until the corridors clear. You'll be in less trouble if you're late for class than if you go out there right now. A couple of folks have taken it personally." 

That afternoon, Cecil sat on a little plastic chair outside the Year Head's office, examining the student artwork on display on the corridor wall. His stomach churned and his hands shook slightly. He had trouble sitting still but wondered if he would get in more trouble if he paced the corridor.  
The door creaked open and he was beckoned inside.  
Scoutmaster sat opposite the Year Head.  
Cecil stood beside Scoutmaster's chair.  
"Cecil? Your mother can't leave work so she asked Scoutmaster to collect you. You have a two day exclusion from school for your behaviour today. If you wanted to put a _personal_ message into your radio broadcast then you should have spoken to me first. We can't allow students to hijack the school broadcast for their own purpose. Do you understand the seriousness of what you did?”  
Cecil nodded.  
“Who else was involved?”  
“Nobody, just me.”  
The Year Head looked at him with scepticism but accepted the answer.  
“Very well. You will go with Scoutmaster. I will find a student who lives near you to deliver two days’ worth of schoolwork. You will return to school on Monday and spend the day in reintegration.” 

Scoutmaster drove Cecil home in silence. Sis let them in with an _I told you so_ to Cecil then went back upstairs. Cecil braced himself for a telling off that would hurt, he had let down his family and the scouts by getting caught. Scoutmaster motioned him into the kitchen.  
“You miss lunch? You hungry?”  
Cecil nodded.  
“Okay let’s see, umm, might have to be PBJ… Oh, here’s something that might be cheese. PBJ looks safer.”  
Cecil frowned.  
“Scoutmaster? Am I in so much trouble that you decided to be nice before it all hits me?”  
“No, there was no way of doing what you did without getting caught. The very thing you’re in trouble with at school is what earned you the _subversive radio host_ badge, so I can’t be angry with you. Your mom may see things differently. I assume Earl played a part? Yes? You could have shared the blame and you chose not to. A good scout is loyal to his friends. You didn’t argue with that office-based asshole so you recognise there’s no point in a war you can’t win. All you did was hijack the school radio system to incite people to be a bit nicer to one another. Now, eat up then I guess you better have some punishment. Plenty of reading material?” Scoutmaster pointed up, Cecil nodded. “Okay, you’re confined to your room until the meet later. I have to go so I trust you on that.” 

Cecil stayed in his room. Earl appeared with two files full of worksheets and some news.  
“These are all for you,” Earl handed over one file, waving the other in the air. “And these are mine. I went to see the Year Head to confess and I got two days off too. Mom and dad are furious, dad says you’re a bad influence and I'm not to be your friend any more but mom gave him that look and he shut up. They both got to go to work and I had to promise to stay home but I didn't promise not to invite you over.”  
Cecil stared. “You didn’t have to do that, Earl, It was my voice and I took all the blame so you wouldn’t get into trouble.”  
“I know, but I can’t let you do that. I felt real bad about it.”  
Cecil laughed.  
“So… we get into trouble and our punishment is two days off school together?”  
“Yeah, sucks, right? Gotta go get changed for scouts. See you later.” 

Next day, Cecil heard the phone in the hall ring once and knew it was safe to go to Earl's. Sis had college classes to study for and grunted approval when Cecil yelled goodbye. Earl was waiting by the door, opening it just enough to allow Cecil in.  
"You okay, Earl?"  
"Yeah, I think mom got the neighbour to look out in case anyone comes round."  
"Oh. Math first?"  
"Yeah."  
They started with Cecil's. Earl sat next to his friend at the formica topped table with his own work ignored as he patiently guided Cecil through a page of simultaneous equations. Earl had pulled his chair right over so he could see what Cecil was writing, and his left arm rested along the back of Cecil's chair. He had a sheet of scrap paper and a pen poised above it ready to talk through yet another worked example. He watched as Cecil, finally, completed a problem without prompting. Earl slipped his arm from the chair to Cecil's shoulders and gave his friend a hug. Cecil rested his head on Earl's shoulder.  
"I think my brain just melted. I can do it if I follow the right procedure but I don't get it. I mean, what even _are_ x and y?"  
He turned the page over. Earl groaned.  
"Oh great gods, trigonometry." 

Cecil was just as good at trigonometry as he was at algebra, but by the end of another tutoring session that left Earl’s patience strained he had completed his worksheet.  
“Urgh. That’s over. Thanks, really, thanks. I wish you could help me in class, I’m scared to admit that I can’t do it.”  
Earl frowned.  
“You can do it, you just need a little longer to get the hang of it.”  
“Yeah I guess. I’ll have forgotten it all by tomorrow.”  
Earl sighed then laughed.  
“You mean all that was for nothing? Jeez, Cecil!”  
Cecil sat back and looked at Earl’s expression of despair.  
“My turn to help you. English?” 

They moved to the living room. Earl’s task was to read two chapters and write about the way the author showed the development of the relationship between two of the characters. Earl sat on the sofa and closed his eyes, listening as Cecil read aloud, once without pausing and once more stopping to explain every time a relevant passage came up.  
“I get it, it seems so obvious when you explain. I would never read into it like that on my own. I like useful books, with information in them. Let’s eat first then I can write my essay and you can do whatever you need to do. I think that’s the worst over.”  
“Yeah.”  
Cecil stood up and held out both hands to Earl to help pull him up from the sofa. As Earl stood, they overbalanced and Earl sprawled over Cecil on the floor.  
“Oh shit! Are you okay?”  
Cecil giggled, Earl joined in. They lay there giggling helplessly, unable to hear the front door open and close.  
“YOU! Get your things and get out. Earl knows you are not welcome here. Earl, get upstairs NOW.” 

The boys sprang to their feet. Cecil bolted for the kitchen and gathered his work, stuffing it carelessly into his file, listening out for Earl’s footsteps on the stairs. Instead he heard Earl’s yell.  
“DAD! WE WERE HELPING EACH OTHER!”  
“GET TO YOUR ROOM!”  
“NO!”  
The voices went quiet. Cecil couldn’t make out what was being said but a few words, louder for emphasis, reached his ears. Tears stung his eyes and his stomach filled with butterflies as he listened to the things his friend's dad called him. He tidied up Earl’s work too. He’d have to go past them to leave, he realized with horror. Cecil stood for a few minutes, finally picking up Earl’s file with his own. More shouting started.  
“NO SON OF MINE…”  
“SHUT UP! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY WHO I CAN AND CAN’T BE FRIENDS WITH!”  
Cecil’s head buzzed. He walked quickly through the living room, took Earl’s hand and pulled him into the hall and out of the house. They ran as fast as their legs would take them away from Earl’s father’s anger. 

They didn’t go to Cecil’s house: that was the first place Mr Harlan would look for them. Instead, Cecil led Earl to the only other place he felt safe. He picked the lock on the side door of the scout hut and they went inside.  
Earl paced the floor and ranted. Cecil waited until the tirade of _not fair_ and _who does he think he is_ and _I can choose my own friends_ abated.  
Cecil walked up to Earl and threw his arms around him.  
“I’m sorry Earl, I got you into so much trouble.”  
Earl hugged Cecil back.  
“No, I would have had that row sooner or later. At least it’s over and I know what I want.”  
“Oh?”  
Earl pulled back a little so that he could look into Cecil’s eyes. He stroked fingers through Cecil’s hair and landed a very nervous, very gentle, very quick kiss on his friend’s lips. 


	12. Evade Capture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of an argument, some fluff and a camping trip that goes wrong.

"Void!"  
Earl stepped back, eyes wide and a hand over his mouth.  
"I shouldn't've done that!"  
Cecil moved away a little, watching as Earl desperately tried to undo whatever action resulted in the slow but steady progression of cold limewater up the glass tubing and into the roasting hot test tube. They both closed their eyes instinctively despite the safety goggles as the glassware exploded, showering them with the powdery contents of the test tube.  
"Harlan? Palmer? What did I tell you!"  
"Look out for suckback, miss, sorry miss."  
Cecil sighed as Earl returned with a dustpan and brush and the glass disposal bucket.  
"I'm not really into science. Can't we just find the right chants and do a bloodstone circle?"  
They stayed back at the end to clear up properly, allowing the rest of the students to get clear of the lab and their teacher to disappear into the prep room opposite before checking nobody was looking and sharing a giggly kiss. 

It was two weeks since Earl's argument with his father and his realisation that Cecil was waiting for him to get over his crush on Sis. After Earl had kissed his best friend tentatively, then again with a little more confidence, Cecil had pointed out that they still had to get their schoolwork done and so the boys had perched on camp chairs and leaned on a trestle table to finish as much as possible.  
Scoutmaster had shown up silently just after five, making the boys jump when he snuck up on them and cleared his throat.  
"I think you need to work on your _evading capture_ badges, scouts. A scout is always vigilant. You two were completely absorbed in... schoolwork?"  
"Sorry Scoutmaster, we'll be more careful in future."  
"Earl, your mom called Cecil's mom who called me. You're staying at Cecil's place for a few days. Your mom and dad have a few differences of opinion to work out."  
"I don't want to go home. Not ever."  
Scoutmaster frowned then clapped a massive hand on the Dreadnought Scout's shoulder.  
"We don't always get what we want, Scout." 

Scoutmaster drove the boys back to Cecil's house. Earl's mom was there and hugged Earl tightly. Unusually, she also hugged Cecil. Even more unusually Cecil allowed it for a few seconds before squirming away.  
"We love you, honey, we want you home soon but your dad and I have a lot of talking to do. I'll come round plenty to see you, okay? Every morning before work and later to say goodnight."  
"Will dad be coming with you?"  
"If you want him to."  
"No."  
"Then it'll just be me, sweetheart. Will you be okay?"  
"Yeah. You can let go, mom, really." 

Earl's mom left and Sis pointed upstairs.  
"There's a bag of your stuff in Cecil's old room. I heard it was intense."  
"Yeah. Cecil tripped and pulled me over. I fell on top of him. Dad came home to check on me and found..."  
Sis laughed.  
"You two rolling around on the floor all over each other and giggling? Put two and two together and made four?"  
"Five. That's the saying. Two and two makes five."  
Sis sniggered, started walking upstairs and called down after herself.  
"I meant exactly what I said. So, Earl, if you break my baby brother's heart I will hurt you."  
"She doesn't mean it, Earl."  
"I think she does." 

Earl was still living at Cecil's house by the time of the exploding test tube incident. They'd had two weeks of surreptitious flirting in class, going home together, saying goodnight and ostentatiously going into their separate rooms, waiting until the house fell silent then Earl would join Cecil in his room to kiss goodnight and fall asleep together, wake together with Cecil's alarm, going downstairs one at a time.  
That morning, Cecil's mom had fixed Earl with a look.  
"Do you have bad dreams, Earl?"  
"Uh?"  
"When I get home from my late shift and I go to say goodnight to Cecil you're in his room. Maybe you don't like to be on your own."  
"Oh. Umm. I guess? Would you rather I stayed in my room all night? I will if you tell me to. If that means you'll let me stay."  
Cecil's mom stared for a moment then smiled.  
"You're good for Cecil, Earl, he looks so peaceful, asleep with you wrapped around him. But remember there's no hurry." 

Earl went home a few days after that. His mom made dinner, Cecil was invited, Mr Harlan was polite and left after helping to clear the table. Earl looked at his mom, eyebrows raised.  
"Sorry, Earl. We just couldn't agree on so many things and your dad moved out for now. He has an apartment, you can stay with him sometimes if you like."  
"Do I have to?"  
"He loves you."  
"I don't want to."  
"Okay. Cecil, would you like to stay over tonight?"  
"Uh? Thanks."  
They retreated to the comfort of familiarity: watching TV until told it was late then falling asleep on top of Earl's bed, cocooned in their sleeping bags, chatting and listening to the radio. 

After the next scout meet, at which Cecil and Earl had taught three new cub scouts how to tie basic knots, they decided they needed a new badge challenge of their own.  
"Scoutmaster suggested _evading capture._ What do you think?"  
"Could do that," replied Earl. "But we need Scoutmaster to organise it."  
They walked home hand in hand and stood outside Cecil's house. Earl sighed.  
"I miss you at night. I loved just being around you all the time."  
"I'd drive you mental eventually. Imagine always having me ask dumb questions and waking you up at 3am to tell you stupid stories because I'm bored and I just thought of something random."  
Earl laughed and kissed Cecil, gentle lips against his own, reluctant to pull away.  
"Your questions are never dumb and your stories... Jeez you should write more of them down."  
"I miss you too, Earl. I used to think this was impossible and I'd get sad. Now I still get sad but then I remember I can do this again in a few hours."  
Cecil put his hands around Earl's head and kissed him until Sis yelled at them from her window to pack it in. 

Scoutmaster called the boys over the following week along with the two Fear Scouts.  
"Two of you need _advanced track and capture_ and two of you want to go for _evade capture._ You will all need to train over the next few weekends. Here are letters for your parents explaining why they will probably not be seeing much of you this side of New Year. First training camp is this weekend. Pickup here at 6pm Friday."  
The four scouts looked at each other. One of the Fear Scouts leaned forwards and whispered, "You're ours, Harlan."  
The other ruffled Cecil's hair, making him frown and step back.  
"Gotta catch us first. I'm going to sing the _losers_ song so loud when we get our badges and you get nothing."  
Scoutmaster smiled.  
"That's the spirit, boys! Friday, 6pm sharp." 

Four boys stood, two pairs eyeing each other up, looking for weaknesses already. At 6pm, as near as anyone could tell, Scoutmaster’s truck pulled over. They threw their packs in the back and got in, the Fear Scouts racing to get in the front, leaving the back for the younger pair. Scoutmaster drove them to the woods and instructed them to set up separate camps in the darkness. Cecil and Earl could just see the Fear Scouts’ campfire come to life as Scoutmaster joined them.  
“When I wake you, you will pack up camp and set off with all your kit. Leave no trace. Head off in any direction you want and make a new camp mid-afternoon, as well hidden as you can. The Fear Scouts will be tracking you. You will have a one hour head start. How are you going to avoid being found?”  
Cecil and Earl bounced around ideas as Scoutmaster slipped away to talk to the Fear Scouts. 

Scoutmaster roused the younger boys just before sunrise, instructed them to pack quietly and be moving as soon as it was light enough to see their way. It was cold and damp, the ground was soft, making it impossible to walk without leaving obvious bootprints. They tried walking on the accumulation of dead leaves but could still see where they had been. Cecil had the idea of getting their boots caked with mud and leaves, disguising their footprints as best they could. It was certainly a better prospect than Earl’s suggestion of going barefoot.  
After three hours, they thought it was safe to stop for a break and talk quietly. They sat on a fallen tree and ate, careful not to leave any traces of food.  
“Do you think it’s safe to talk while we walk? I’m getting bored.”  
“I guess, you could make up a story? As long as we’re quiet, like, no sound effects.”  
Cecil grinned.  
“Come on then, I’ve been making up a story about a talking forest for the last two hours and I want to tell it.” 

They walked further on, Earl navigating and Cecil following close behind providing entertainment. Earl giggled at Cecil as he described what the trees were saying.  
 _”Oh Earl, you look so handsome in your scout uniform. You must be very strong and clever to have all those badges.”_  
“Cecil! Stop it!”  
“It’s not me, Earl, it’s the trees. Nothing I can do about it. _Oh Earl, your hair looks nice today, so soft we want to reach out and…”_  
“Shut up, Cecil!”  
Cecil giggled and stopped, pulling Earl into a kiss.  
“Cecil! We need to keep moving and find somewhere good to hide our camp.”  
Cecil sighed and rolled his eyes. Earl took his hand and led him through the trees. 

They found an area of dense undergrowth following the line of a rocky descent into a ravine. Earl looked around, frowning, hand moving to his chin.  
“Cecil, we could try to make it look like we climbed down the ravine then double back to our original campsite by a different route. Do you think they’ll fall for that?”  
“Would you?”  
Earl looked at the ravine.  
“I wouldn’t think anyone would be stupid enough to try to climb down that. But if we left evidence maybe they would think _we_ are. Worth a try?”  
Cecil nodded and the boys got to work. Cecil put Earl’s spare shirt on his backpack and dragged it along the edge of the prickly undergrowth in the direction of the ravine, returning with it ripped, leaving shreds and threads on the thorns. Earl edged round to where the damp ground sloped away and smeared out a heel-print, sending a couple of boulders rolling down, reaching out with a branch to add a scrap of fabric to a thornbush just within reach.  
“Not bad work, it looks like we tried to clamber down and slipped. This way!”  
Earl led Cecil along the side of the ravine for half a mile then the boys turned back and headed back along a route parallel with their original direction. As instructed, when Earl judged it to be mid-afternoon, they started looking for a good place to camp. They settled on the gap between two fallen trees, pitching their tiny tent quickly and concealed it with leaves and branches before slithering in and raiding their backpacks for food. 

“Shame we can’t have a campfire.”  
“Yeah.”  
“My stuff is all ripped. Mom’ll kill me.”  
“Not if you get a badge.”  
“Hope they can’t find us.”  
“We just gotta wait here?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Bored yet?”  
"Yeah. What do you want to do?" 

By nightfall, they decided that the Fear Scouts were not coming. Earl and Cecil emerged and gathered firewood by torchlight, pulling dry moss from the sheltered sides of the fallen trees for kindling, finding dried twigs and leaves in sheltered areas between tree roots. Cecil took his lighter out of the strap of his backpack.  
“That’s still cheating, you know.”  
“Would you rather grind that stick you're carrying into…”  
Earl snorted.  
“That was NOT what I meant!”  
Cecil cleared the area around their pyramid, lit the fire and the flame revealed his smile.  
"If they're nearby they'll find us now."  
"Urgh. Worth it. You get my laces and I'll get yours?" 

The boys sat beside each other by their fire, boots propped up to dry out and feet just too near the flames for comfort. Earl brought out his ripped sleeping bag, opened it out and draped it over their shoulders. Cecil told the rest of his story about the forest and made Earl giggle and hide his face at the rude bits.  
"Shame we didn't think to catch anything to cook. Protein bar?"  
"Spoil me."  
"Okay, two protein bars."  
They ate quietly, saving the wrappers for kindling in the morning and letting the fire die down.  
"I thought we'd be captured by now. We kinda stopped trying just after the ravine."  
"Yeah. Should we put the fire out and get some sleep? We might have to cover some distance tomorrow."  
They eased their feet into warm boots. Cecil extinguished the embers, Earl put his damaged sleeping bag on the floor of the tent and Cecil's intact one on top. They crawled in fully dressed and hugged for warmth. Nothing disturbed them until daylight. 

"Cecil? Cecil!"  
"Urgh"  
"Wake up."  
"MmmMmm."  
Earl pulled the tent flap open and let light in. Cecil blinked his eyes open.  
"Cruel."  
"Yeah. I know you're not a morning person but there's breakfast. Hot breakfast."  
"Oh you didn't... You did!"  
Earl laughed as Cecil launched himself at Earl's head in the tent entrance and missed. He waited as Cecil emerged into daylight, stretched, smelled the roasting wild fowl on the fire and threw his arms around Earl.  
"Best breakfast ever. Is it ready?"  
"Nearly. And it's almost lunch. I think we ought to eat, pack up and go look for the Fear Scouts." 

They retraced their steps from the day before, back to the ravine, back to their fake descent.  
"Shit! Earl!"  
Earl looked where Cecil pointed. There were signs of more disturbance down the side of the ravine.  
"Do you think they went down there? Could they be hurt? Or... And where's Scoutmaster?"  
Cecil looked around wildly for any sign of the Fear Scouts or Scoutmaster. He yelled down the steep slope but received no reply. Earl put a hand on Cecil's shoulder.  
"Stay calm, Cecil, they'll be fine, they're scouts. We need to get down there to look for them, but not here. It's too slippery. Come on."  
They walked back along the edge of the ravine, seeking a less fatal-looking place to clamber down. Eventually they slithered and slipped down with thorn bushes and dwarf trees to break their barely-controlled fall into the ravine. They clambered along the narrow, shallow riverbed, feet freezing, until they found where the Fear Scouts had fallen. There was a clear trail, one set of prints leading upstream. Earl and Cecil followed it until they reached a fault in the rocks facing the water, forming a narrow cave. They went in.  
Two Fear Scouts sat there scowling. 

"Great plan, Harlan, now four of us need rescued. We got half killed falling down in the dark last night, Ali sprained his ankle and can't walk properly and there's nowhere safe to climb back up."  
Cecil broke te short silence that followed the Fear Scout's statement.  
"There's where we climbed down. I bet I can get back up. We can make a rope and help Ali up with that. It'll be difficult but not impossible."  
Earl frowned at Cecil.  
"You think so? Uh, how are we going to make a rope?"  
"From your sleeping bag. It's ripped, and you already know your mom's going to kill you because of your shirt."  
"I guess we could try that. You two gonna help?"  
They sat in the cave, slicing Earl's sleeping bag fabric into strips, plaiting and knotting them. Earl tested the strength of the rope produced and declared it _probably adequate but too short._ Ali sighed and offered to sacrifice his sleeping bag for the sake of rescue. They carefully made their way back to where Earl and Cecil had descended, taking turns to support Fear Scout Ali.  
Cecil clambered up slowly, with a few slippery setbacks that made Earl cover his eyes and cross his fingers. Once up, he removed the rope from his waist and tied it to a slender tree trunk as close to the edge as possible. He yelled down and the unhurt Fear Scout appeared soon after.  
Ali was next, tied in with Earl right behind him, slowly pushing and supporting his weight when he was forced to use his injured ankle and the two scouts at the top pulling on the makeshift rope. They stood at the top of the ravine looking down the steep slope.  
"So, you fell for the fake descent trail?"  
"Shut up, Harlan."  
Another voice came from the tree behind and above them.  
"A good scout never gloats, Harlan." 

Later that week Cecil and Earl sat on Cecil's bed and stitched their new insignia onto their uniforms and new badges for _intermediate evading capture_ and _unexpected search and rescue_ on their sashes.  
"You're a Dark Scout already! You must be one of the youngest. Scoutmaster said he was sixteen when he was made Dark Scout and you're fifteen."  
"I'm glad you got to Weird Scout. We get to stay in the same group. The advanced _evading capture_ involves tracker dogs and I don't want to do that on my own."  
"That secret badge counted. One of the other Blood Pact Scouts complained but he shut up when I showed him that black circle on the inside of my sash. You didn't join in the song for the Fear Scouts."  
"Suddenly didn't want to any more. When I'm scoutmaster I'll think of something else instead. That fall stopped the Fear Scouts moving on to Eternal Scout and they only have a couple of months left before they're too old so they probably won't make it."  
"Oh. Will you get to be an Eternal Scout?"  
"That's the plan! Scoutmaster says I could do it. He had a really funny look when I asked what it involved."  
Cecil shrugged.  
"He gets a funny look when I say stuff about the school radio. Oh!"  
Cecil stopped, shook Earl's knee firmly and grinned, voice rising to a squeak in his excitement.  
"I nearly forgot to tell you! I'm going to be fifteen soon and then I can apply to be an intern at the radio station! Isn't that just.... neat!" 

Scoutmaster smiled at Cecil's mother over the remains of a pizza, glass of wine in her hand and a distant look in her eyes.  
"Are you okay?"  
She snapped back into the present.  
"For now. I need to make sure he's looked after. He doesn't know that I have to leave. I can't..."  
Her voice broke slightly but she recovered. _Palmers are strong people_ thought Scoutmaster, reaching over to take her hand in his.  
"I can't face telling him what I've seen." 


	13. Emergency Amputation, amongst other things.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cecil has a disappointing birthday but things pick up when Sis gives him something to make him and Earl think and his mom comes up with the best present ever.
> 
> Earl is working on a secret badge, but needs Cecil's help. Cecil earns a badge he wasn't expecting.
> 
> And domestic fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter started as one thing then turned into something else.  
> The draft version was much longer so I have split it.
> 
> Thank you, The_Dangerous_One for the badge idea :o)

Sis hugged her little brother, now a few inches taller than her.  
"Be good, Cecil, look after mom and I'll see you around."  
"Okay, I'll miss you even though you are a pain in the ass."  
"Yeah, sure, you’ll miss stealing my bubble bath. I left you a full bottle in the cabinet, the lavender stuff. We'll have a phone soon so you can call."  
"Uh, okay."  
Cecil wriggled out of Sis's embrace and smiled. He had spent the afternoon helping her move into a room in an apartment she shared with two college friends. He had met one of them already, a quiet woman a couple of years older than Sis, called Jan. She was nice. There was sudden commotion at the door. Sis laughed.  
"Cecil? Come and meet Steve. You'll like him."  
He did not, but tried to be polite as Steve explained one ludicrous theory after another. 

The house was quiet without Sis. Cecil rarely saw his mother, she went back to working evening and night shifts and they seemed to communicate mainly by notes left in the kitchen. One of them made Cecil stand still with his heart racing and his stomach in his boots.  
 _Who do you want to invite to your birthday?_  
Apart from Sis and Bruv, he only wanted two people there. Earl would come. He'd let mom invite Scoutmaster. Cecil scrawled his reply. _Don't want a party._  
His birthday came. Mom had to work an extra shift that night. She woke Cecil at 2am to apologise and he mumbled forgiveness but didn't see her face. Sis and Bruv both had to study and work to pay their tuition but called to say _congratulations on being the oldest you have ever been._  
Earl came round to give Cecil his birthday gifts, a colourful geometric patterned shirt chosen by his mom, and Cecil cried. He didn't mean to, it just happened. If Scoutmaster had come round and said _a scout is always strong_ or something similar he would have held it together, but all it took was a little sympathy and he broke. Earl held him tightly, telling him he was going to be okay, then led him back home to his place. Earl's mom tried not to sound upset as she invited Cecil to stay.  
She wanted to add, _"for as long as you like."_  
She settled for, "I'm going bowling with my friend Josie. You two want to come?" 

Cecil's birthday celebration got postponed until the following weekend. Sis and Bruv came over, mom cancelled her weekend shift and Scoutmaster arrived with a tired and filthy Dark Scout Harlan after a day of training for a badge neither of them would talk about in front of anyone who was not a scout. Cecil picked up the phone in the hall and stared at it.  
"You know how to use that?" Bruv teased.  
"Yeah, it's just that I, umm, got to the age of fifteen without ever having to make a proper call. If I call Earl I just let it ring the right number of times and hang up and he knows whether I’m coming round or need homework help or whatever."  
"Don't you spend hours on the phone like Sis used to?"  
"Nope. If I want to talk to Earl I go round."  
"Oh. Who are you calling?"  
"Earl's mom. I want to invite her but I don't know if she knows that two rings means _come over._ "  
Cecil put the phone down again and went upstairs to see if Earl was cleaned up yet, secretly hoping he wasn’t. Bruv shook his head, picked up the phone and dialled. 

Cecil found Earl in the bath, completely covered in lavender bubbles and with a headful of rose lather.  
"I wish I had a camera! _Behold the Dark Scout in his natural habitat, a creature that knows no fear, protected by his beard of scented bubbles and lather horns... "_  
Earl scooped up a handful and threw it at Cecil.  
"Wanna get in?"  
"Yeah but better not. How was training?"  
"Tough. Can anyone hear us up here?"  
"Not if I put the radio on."  
Cecil clicked on the little radio that lived on the bathroom windowsill.  
"We need you for this badge too. Me, you and Fear Scout Ali. We're going to get someone out of prison. A scout."  
Cecil stared at Earl.  
"That's really dangerous! And really _cool!_ Will I be training with you next time? Is there a plan?..."  
Cecil spilled out questions and Earl tried to answer.  
"The other Fear Scout, well, ex-Fear Scout I suppose since he left, but Scoutmaster says once you get that far in rank you always count as a scout, he was picked up because of some stuff he said about the City Council. He's in the abandoned mine we're not supposed to know about. We need to get him out."  
Cecil stared at Earl, mouth open and eyes wide.  
"Earl, that's insane! If we get caught..."  
Earl submerged himself in the warm water to rinse off the shampoo and Cecil sat on the edge of the bath to massage conditioner through Earl's hair.  
"There's no room for error here, Cecil, we must not get caught. If you want to back out, that's totally okay." 

Cecil found a clean towel and handed it to Earl.  
"No, if you're in, I'm in."  
Earl grinned.  
"Great! I'll tell Scoutmaster and we can discuss strategy later."  
"You look like you've been tunnelling."  
"Yeah, but that takes too long. We're going for a new approach."  
"Oh?"  
"Knocking on the front door." 

After present unwrapping, Cecil hid his confusion at the pack of blank cassette tapes from Bruv, they had Cecil's choice of take-out pizza followed by ice cream. Later, Scoutmaster offered to drive Sis and Bruv back to their colleges. Sis accepted and rummaged in her bag, furtively handing Cecil a small, wrapped package with strict instructions to open it in private. Cecil frowned, Sis had already given him a huge bottle of the rose scented shampoo and matching conditioner she liked to use and he liked to borrow. Bruv laughed and said he had news, maybe Scoutmaster could drop him at the bus stop in town because he was starting a new job with a new company and had a new apartment in the next town.  
"It's great, decent pay and a free uniform. Everyone there smiles so much. I'm sure I'll love it. There’s plenty of opportunity for promotion if I fit in."  
Cecil's mom froze.  
"You're moving out of town?"  
"Yes. It's not too far away, just Desert Bluffs. I will still visit."  
"Sure you will. Be careful out there, they’re not like us."  
Cecil's mom smiled and kissed Bruv on the forehead before he left. He had to lean down so she could reach. 

Cecil’s mom gave him another gift after everyone had left except for Earl. It was a wrapped box the size of a shoebox. He ripped off the gaudy paper and gasped.  
“Mom! This is awesome!” He carefully took the portable cassette recorder and microphone out of the box. Mom handed him a pack of batteries and a blank cassette tape.  
“You can record some of your stories and make a demo tape for the radio station. I got you the intern application forms.”  
Cecil was lost for words. He hugged his mom and grinned.  
“You know I love you, right?”  
She smiled and nodded. The phone rang and Cecil’s mom answered it with _yes_ and _now?_ and _okay,_ a sigh and a click as she hung up.  
“Sorry sweetheart, I have to go out. I love you too. Be careful and stay away from the mirror.”  
Cecil hugged his mom again as she left the house and got into a waiting sedan. 

Later, after nobody told them off for watching TV really late and waking up on the sofa sometime after midnight, Cecil roused Earl.  
“Should we go to bed?”  
“Urgh, you woke me up to tell me we should go to sleep?”  
“Yeah.”  
Upstairs, snuggled together in Cecil’s room, Cecil remembered the gift from Sis. He rummaged in the pockets of his jeans, reaching over the edge of the bed to pick them up off the floor.  
“What’s that?”  
“I forgot to open my other birthday present from Sis.”  
Earl sat up and looped an arm around Cecil’s waist as he fought his way into the small package.  
“What did she get you?”  
The packaging gave way abruptly and both boys shrieked and giggled as three condoms fell out. 

"I can't believe Sis did that!"  
Cecil spluttered the sentence as heat rose up his face.  
Earl laughed.  
"She's looking out for you. For us both, I guess."  
Earl picked one up and looked at it as Cecil flicked the others off the bed, then thought better of leaving them on the floor for his mom to find. He got up, gathered them up and jumped at Earl's sudden outburst of laughter.  
"Cecil, read the packet. They're... Just read it."  
Cecil squinted at the writing on one of the square plastic packages then joined Earl in another fit of giggles.  
"Banana." 

Cecil put the condoms in a box under his bed. Earl lay back with his hands tucked behind his head and waited for Cecil to curl up beside him again before he spoke.  
"Uh, it does, umm, give us something to think about. I guess."  
"What were you thinking we should be thinking about?"  
"Well, you know, if they're, uh, _flavoured..._ "  
Cecil sniggered.  
"Earl, you've never even put your tongue in my mouth. Never mind your..."  
"I know. We don't have to do anything more, I just wondered if we might think about it. The stuff we do already is really nice."  
"Mmm. You mean this stuff?"  
Cecil stroked a hand under Earl's pyjama shirt and nuzzled the side of his neck. Earl held his breath for a moment as Cecil moved his hand slowly lower.  
"Aaahh. Yes, gods yes, this." 

Cecil’s mom did not return in the morning. After breakfast of reheated leftover pizza, Earl told Cecil to get ready for a Scout mission. As they stood in the hallway waiting for the sound of Scoutmaster's truck, Cecil and Earl lingered over a kiss. Earl pulled back first, closing his eyes and smiling.  
“I’m going to be distracted all day thinking about that thing we decided not to do last night.” 

Scoutmaster explained again what each member of their little team was to do. Fear Scout Ali would search the cells from as close as possible by astral projection, he had been practising daily for hours in preparation, projecting into unfamiliar buildings based only on floor plans and sketches. He had only one uncomfortable experience with a partition wall that was not on the plan he was using when he tried to project into his college tutor's office for a sneak peek at his next exam paper.  
Once they knew where the incarcerated Scout was, Scoutmaster, Cecil and Earl would overpower and restrain the guards. Scoutmaster would keep the guards quiet, Earl and Cecil would open the cell and get him out, opening a few other cells just to cause confusion. Ali would stay up top to raise the alarm and fetch the truck if reinforcements arrived.  
Scoutmaster checked everyone's kit. Lock picks, scout knives, head-torch, cable ties, vial of sedative, cord, basic first aid supplies and a suitable disguise.  
"Scoutmaster, is there _any_ alternative?" Cecil asked with distaste, looking at the clothing Scoutmaster told him to change into.  
"No, this is for the best. We will go in fast, strong, assertive and dressed in Desert Bluffs scout uniforms for the benefit of the cctv. Put your masks and gloves on as soon as we get out of the truck." 

Mostly, the plan worked. Ali found his friend quickly and described how to get to the cell. He was not too deep in the bowels of the mine. He said that he saw four guards, two pairs, one pair playing cards at the entrance, one pair patrolling and chatting. Scoutmaster smiled and gave the signal to go.  
Scoutmaster, Earl and Cecil sauntered up to the mine entrance. The door was propped open for ventilation. The pair of guards didn't stand a chance. Scoutmaster silenced one with a blow that knocked him out then secured him with cable ties. Earl and Cecil floored the other, gagging him with his own shirt and tying him securely to his chair. Scoutmaster nodded at them and they all crept silently to the inner door, listening for any sign of the other guards.  
There was a hiss from a shelf on the wall. Cecil reached up and brought down a walkie-talkie. He looked at Scoutmaster, raising an eyebrow. Scoutmaster nodded and Cecil cleared his throat and pressed the button on the side of the device.  
"Come in Patrol, assistance required."  
There was a hiss and a click before a reply.  
 _"That you 'Tonio? If we come up there and it's not a real problem I'll ram that radio so far up your ass your lunch will be calling for backup."_  
Scoutmaster shook his head and Cecil replaced the radio. Soon there were heavy footsteps behind the inner door. It flew open and the three scouts pounced. 

Scoutmaster leaned the four trussed-up guards against the wall and made himself as comfortable as he could to watch them. Cecil and Earl disappeared down the corridor to the elevator. The captured scout was on sub-level five and the trip down in the rickety, creaking elevator took several minutes. Head-torches on, they found his cell quickly and Cecil got to work on the lock whilst Earl started on the next cell along.  
Cecil entered the scout's cell. It looked comfortable, if dimly lit. There was a TV showing static and a narrow bed. The scout sat up and screamed, trying to back away but held by a metal ring around one ankle, firmly fixed to the floor with a thick, heavy chain.  
"It's me! Remember? From the woods when you followed our trail down the ravine?"  
The scout hid his head under his arms and rocked back and forwards.  
"Hey, we're getting you out. Hold still while I pick the lock... oh. Oh no."  
The scout froze as Cecil touched the metal ring and noticed the dreadful burn marks and weals on the scout's blackening foot and suppurating ankle. The ring wasn't padlocked. It had been welded shut.  
Earl appeared.  
"Get a move on, black sedan approaching." 

Cecil quickly analysed his options. He could leave the scout to his fate and the _not knowing_ would haunt him.  
Or he could leave the scout with a weapon and hope he recovered the mental capacity to use it.  
Or he could complete the rescue. Most of it.  
Cecil swore and reached into his first aid pocket. He forced the shell of a scout to open his mouth and swallow the contents of the vial of sedative. Ninety seconds later, he tied a thick cable-tie tight above the scout's ankle and called out once.  
Earl came to the cell and saw Cecil was hesitating over the scout with his knife unsheathed. He nodded once and Cecil pushed his sharp scout knife into the young man's ankle, separating tarsals, severing tendons and sawing through ligaments. He pushed the metal ring off the oozing stump, letting it clatter to the floor. He covered the wound with a folded triangular bandage secured with another cable-tie.  
Between them, Earl and Cecil carried the wounded scout, and his foot, to the elevator and got him back up to the surface. Scoutmaster was waiting with Ali and the truck. They dragged the wounded man into the back seat of the cabin and climbed in.  
"Hospital!" yelled Cecil.  
Scoutmaster drove them straight to the bowling alley. 

Later, at Cecil's house, Scoutmaster was sombre.  
"He would have lost that foot anyway, Cecil, you did the right thing there. That decision took guts. Teddy, the new medic at the arcade said you did as good a job as you could have under the circumstances."  
Cecil was silent. Earl asked the question in Cecil's head.  
"What would have happened if we had left him there?"  
"He would have died from the gangrene that was setting in to his foot or gone mad eventually. I've seen it happen before to people who don't say the right things after a warning, they disappear for days or weeks then they're found wandering the streets or in the desert, changed. Be careful. Be very careful. Tell the truth, but not always the whole truth and not always directly." Scoutmaster was looking at Cecil.  
"Not everyone can handle undiluted truth." 

At the next scout meet, Ali, Earl and Cecil were silently handed pitch black fabric circles to stitch on the underside of their sashes. In addition, Ali received _advanced astral travel_ , Earl got _create confusion_ and Cecil was awarded _emergency amputation._  
Cecil returned to a silent house and silently wished he could forget what he had seen and done in the secret mineshaft. He stood in the hallway unable to move for almost an hour before he picked up the phone and dialled. He let it ring three times, waited for a one-ring response then packed an overnight bag and left the house. Earl met him half way, took his bag from him, slipped an arm around his waist and led him home. 


	14. Is that even a real badge?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cecil gets his voice.  
> Earl and Cecil have a disagreement over their relationship.  
> The boys realise they have very different career paths, and start to prepare.  
> And Cecil isn't sure if his last badge is a real thing or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: *Cecil reads from Ray Bradbury, "Fahrenheit 451"

The following weekend when Earl was busy with a secret badge that Cecil was not invited to join, Cecil made recordings. He played the first one back and winced at the sound of his own voice. He rewound and recorded over it, trying to keep his voice more even. He walked around the house, enthusing about radio and talking about family. He had been to the Radio Station early in the week to hand in his application form to be an intern and had been accepted after a brief interview with Mr Burton, the radio host he would be working for. He chattered to the machine about his first impressions of his new boss and how much he wanted to be a radio presenter one day.  
As he talked, Cecil noticed a noise in the otherwise silent house, a buzzing and a flickering at the edge of vision. He switched off the cassette recorder.  
"Mom? Are you home?"  
Silence. Cecil checked his mom's room but it was every bit as unoccupied as it had been all week. It was starting to feel _empty_ rather than just unoccupied. Mom had never been gone for this long before. But surely some day he would come home from school and she would be there, in the kitchen making sandwiches or chanting and filling in a hole in the yard.  
He shrugged and went back to recording. The sound started again as he went downstairs and the flickering edged closer. He stood in the hallway. Something was different but he couldn't see what it was. Something was wrong. Cecil looked at the frowning face that stared back at him. Something touched him, something behind him that he couldn't see in the uncovered mirror.  
He wanted to scream or shout. He opened his mouth wide but the only sound he made was a coughing, gagging, choking noise. It felt like there was something stuck in his throat. He fought to breathe as a presence held him too tightly from behind, constricting his ribcage, preventing him from filling his lungs.  
The last thing Cecil saw as his consciousness gave in and allowed him to sink to the floor was his own reflection multiplied in the shattered mirror surface.  
He wondered why he was smiling. 

Cecil woke up warm and comfortable. Without opening his eyes he could tell he was in Earl's bed and that Earl wasn't there. He buried his face in the pillow and curled up, bringing his hands up. Something felt odd and he opened his eyes to see both arms bandaged.  
Earl's mom appeared at the door.  
"You're awake, that's good. Are you hungry? I made soup."  
Cecil wanted to ask how he got here but his throat felt scratchy and ached. He nodded.  
"Can you get up? I'll bring some up if you're too unsteady."  
Cecil started to get out of bed, recognising Earl's pyjamas on his legs. He stood shakily and sat down again. Earl appeared behind his mom and grinned. He scooped Cecil up and carried him downstairs.  
"I got stuff to tell you and you can't interrupt." 

Cecil ate soup and listened to Earl.  
"Scoutmaster found you and bandaged you up. Your arms were cut real bad, he wondered if you'd.... but I told him you wouldn't. Anyway he said it looked like you'd lost it, punched the mirror and smashed it or something. He cleaned up the broken glass and got rid of it. I put you to bed and you've been asleep for about a whole day. Your throat is bruised, Scoutmaster said you might struggle to talk for a while and you won't be able to write properly until the bandages come off your arms so you get a few days off school."  
Cecil replied by grinning and raising his bandaged arms above his head. Earl laughed.  
"And mom has to work so I get to stay home to look after you."  
Cecil carefully gripped Earl's face with his bandaged hands and kissed him. His mom laughed.  
"Can I trust you two alone all day? You won't just watch daytime TV and make out? You will still have schoolwork to do. They're sending home a pack of work for you both."  
Cecil rolled his eyes, sighed dramatically and shrugged. Mrs Harlan laughed. 

"The next bit is bad, Cecil, your mom's missing. Scoutmaster said she knew this would happen one day and you're not to worry about her, he said _she's a coper_ and _Palmers are resilient people_ and stuff like that. I'm sorry."  
Cecil closed his eyes and shook his head.  
"Later," he croaked. "I'll think about that later."  
But his eyes teared up anyway as Earl tried to say all the right things and his mom stayed silent, a hand on his head, knowing there was no right thing to say.  
Earl's mom stroked Cecil's hair away from his eyes and he looked up at her.  
"Cecil? Earl and I wondered if you would like to live here for now. You can have your own room and we can bring your things over. Sis thinks it's a good idea. We've not gotten in touch with your brother yet but we've left messages and I'm sure he'll call when he can."  
Cecil thought about the empty feeling in his old house, the creepy noises and the mirror that should have been covered. He thought about the dwindling supplies in the kitchen cupboards that his mom used to keep so full that Sis made fun of her, asking if she was stockpiling for the next world war.  
"If you don't want to stay here, Scoutmaster said you can stay with him and he'd quit being Scoutmaster."  
Cecil looked at Earl's hopeful face and Mrs Harlan's concerned one. It was an easy decision and Earl was sent to bring Cecil's belongings from his old home to his new one. 

Cecil's voice returned gradually over the course of a week. He sounded the same to himself, the voice in his head when he spoke was definitely his own but the first time he uttered a full sentence Earl stared then grinned.  
"Oh _nice!_ I can see, I mean I can hear why you should be on the radio!"  
Cecil frowned.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Get your cassette recorder. Read this into it."  
Cecil pulled the cassette recorder out from under his bed, stroking the cat who had taken up residence in his room since he moved in, and took the book from Earl's hand. He switched the machine on and started to read out. Earl lay back with his eyes closed, smiling. After a few lines Cecil stopped, rewound and pressed play.  
 _"It was a pleasure to burn. It was a special pleasure to see things eaten, to see things blackened and changed..."_ *  
"Is that how I really sound? I sound nothing like Leonard. I hope I don't lose my job with NVCR because my voice got damaged."  
Earl sat up and laughed, wrapping protective arms around Cecil.  
"You're kidding, right? You sound fantastic! I could listen to you read all day. Maybe not that book, I'm not supposed to have it."  
"Uh, kind of you to say Earl, but he did talk a lot about my old voice. I better try to avoid talking to Leonard until it goes back to normal. Oh! What if it never does?" 

They had to go back to school eventually. Cecil found that his new voice was useful. His teachers spoke down to him less and his classmates were kinder. Friendly, even. Earl said at the end of the first day that a couple of people had asked him things like _uh, you and Cecil, you're just friends, right?_  
They had their first proper argument over that. Earl said he wanted to show off that they were together, some grand gesture like kissing in front of everyone or walking the whole length of the hallway with their arms around each other. Cecil thought it best not to attract attention. At home, as soon as they had closed the front door behind them and dropped their bags in the hallway, Earl rounded on Cecil.  
"Are you ashamed of me? of us?"  
"No! Not at all!"  
"Then why stay quiet? Why not do normal stuff like hold hands in the lunch queue and kiss in the corridor? Others do it!"  
"But they're... I just... I don't want to."  
"That's it? _I don't want to?_ Why not, Cecil! You _want to_ when we're alone. What's the difference! You don't want anyone to know you're with me. Is that it?"  
"No! I _do_ want everyone to know. Kinda. But..."  
 _"KINDA?"_  
Earl picked up his bag and stormed off upstairs, into his room, slamming the door. Cecil sat on the hallway floor with his face in his hands. He was still there half an hour later when he heard Earl's mom's car in the driveway. He gathered his stuff and ran up to his room. 

The next day, after an uncomfortably quiet dinner, a night without anyone sneaking into anyone else's room, a skipped breakfast, a silent walk to the bus stop and a journey sitting apart, lessons with swapped seats and lunch at different tables, Cecil and Earl found it impossible to ignore each other in science class. Earl tried to swap seats, but the teacher moved him back again.  
Cecil had had enough of being frozen out and he had had enough time to think about what he wanted. Their science teacher said something about _not enough hearts_ and left the room. Through the glass door panel, Cecil watched as she went into the prep room opposite. He slid a hand around Earl's back. Earl looked round, surprised. Cecil stroked his face and kissed him. It was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it peck on the lips but it was enough to make heat rise on Earl's face and a grin appear around his mouth. The class whooped and whistled as Earl returned the kiss with enthusiasm until the teacher returned with a tray of organs for dissection and everyone pretended that nothing had happened.  
Cecil and Earl watched the demo from the back. Cecil leaned over and whispered to Earl, _just don't blame me when we get beaten up later._  
About to start their dissection, Earl whispered _won't happen - I can hold my own and I saw what you did to that prison guard._  
Cecil stared at the tray on the bench in front of them and tested the sharpness of the scalpel. He looked at the heart again and put his hand up.  
"Uh, miss? Umm, ours is still beating. Is that normal?" 

On Wednesday, just before they left to go to the scout meet, Cecil got a phone call. Cecil listened with an occasional _yes, Mr Burton_ and _no problem sir_ before he hung up and turned to Earl.  
"Earl, I can't go to Scouts tonight. Leonard wants me to work, he's going to teach me how to be his producer and I might be allowed to record some stuff with him after. I'll be home late."  
Earl grinned and hugged Cecil.  
"That's awesome! Is that like... a promotion?"  
Cecil brightened up.  
"I guess it might be! Thanks Earl, you don't mind going to scouts on your own?"  
"No, remember the prophecy? This is what's meant to happen, Cecil. I'll tell Scoutmaster. He'll be pleased for you. He will, I'm sure of it. I'll listen to the show in case you're on later and come straight up to me after, I'll want to know all about it."  
And Scoutmaster was pleased for Cecil, kinda. 

Close to midnight, Cecil let himself in and crept silently to his room to change then into Earl's bed.  
"Mmmf mom knows."  
"What?"  
"We can stop sneaking around. Mom knows and it's okay."  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah, we had _The Talk._ Since neither of us can get pregnant and neither of us has ever done stuff with anyone else... umm... I assume?"  
"No! There's only you!"  
"Well mom's okay with it if we sleep together without sneaking around. She said she'd rather we were safe here and not _looking for some dark alley to screw in."_  
"Oh! Oh dear." Cecil laughed. "Do we need to have a proper talk with your mom? About the stuff we're not doing that she thinks we are?"  
Cecil was quiet for a moment as he snuggled against Earl. Earl shrugged.  
"Or we could..."  
"Your mom's great. You're lucky. I miss mine." 

The morning felt luxuriously unhurried as Cecil and Earl woke at their usual _oh fuck get back to your room quietly_ time.  
"Good morning, radio star!"  
Cecil laughed.  
"Good morning Scout extraordinaire! I was on the air for, like, five seconds..."  
"Five _awesome_ seconds."  
"I said _and now a word from our sponsors, lifelike models and mechanical toys for adults who..._ then Leonard grabbed the ad script from my hands, sent me to get coffee and took over again. Said later I was too direct and the listeners needed to feel like they were working for information and maybe he should have proof read the advertising copy himself."  
"Mmm but it was good. Scoutmaster is away next week. I'm the highest ranking scout now Ali left to look after... Well, I have to lead next week's meet. I need you there. Can you do it?"  
"Earl! That's great! Of course I'll be there."  
Cecil lowered his voice in a way calculated to make Earl shiver and squirm.  
"Can I earn a badge for something? Maybe a _secret_ one?" 

But Cecil was not there for Earl's debut as substitute Scoutmaster. Leonard was ill and left a message for Intern Cecil to do his whole show. It was an opportunity he couldn't refuse.  
And Earl understood and was okay with it. They were different people, young men at the start of their very different lives.  
Earl lay in bed after a successful Scout meet, allowing Cecil's beautiful voice to wash over him, lull him into warm relaxation before sleep.  
Then Cecil was there, beside him, kissing him, speaking in that low voice about...  
Suddenly he was alert.  
"You sure?"  
Cecil kissed Earl. He was sure.  
Earl rummaged under his bed for the box from Cecil's old room and the contents he knew should still be there. 

==-=-==-=-==-=-==-=-==

In a private ceremony, Scoutmaster awarded Cecil his final badge and an honourable discharge certificate. Cecil was sceptical.  
"Scoutmaster, are you sure this is a real badge?"  
"It is, you want to see the handbook? Well you can't because you're not a Scoutmaster. It gets you enough credit for Dreadnaught Scout. Earl here's a bit lonely as Fear Scout Harlan, needs company in the higher ranks..."  
Cecil laughed.  
"Scoutmaster, we all know I'm a _terrible_ scout. Earl coached me through everything and I loved it. Except those days in the desert with the sand bears... But I have my own thing now. And I love it more."  
Cecil looked at Earl, who was smiling.  
"Not more than you, obviously."  
Earl grinned.  
"We can talk about this later if you want but for now just take the patch, okay? If you leave as a Dreadnaught Scout you'll always have the protection of the Night Vale Scouts Association."  
"Seriously, Earl, Scoutmaster, is _Surviving in Night Vale_ a real badge?"  
Scoutmaster laughed.  
"Not good enough for you, radio man? Want a trophy?" 

Scoutmaster left them knowing that Cecil would be okay, the prophecy was correct and the Voice of Night Vale was safe with his protector.  
He had explained to Earl the role he was about to inherit and Earl accepted without hesitation.  
 _The Scoutmaster protects the Voice. There has not been a true Voice for so long... that clown Burton won't last much longer once people hear The Voice again. Will you protect Cecil? When I can't?"_  
Earl had replied immediately.  
 _Yes, Scoutmaster. I'd kill for you but I'd die for him."_  
Scoutmaster had nodded.  
 _I will stay until you are ready, after college, then Night Vale's youth is yours to train._  
Earl hugged Cecil close that night, as every night after, confident that everything would be okay. 


	15. The Scoutmaster (Epilogue)

Cecil never went back to scouts. He was proud of his badges and still helped Earl where he could but Earl's badges were more and more difficult, or secret, and Cecil gradually drifted away from that world. It affected their relationship. They got stronger as Cecil emerged from Earl's shadow and shone on his own, in his own world.  
Leonard allowed Cecil more and more airtime, starting with reading the ads, then a regular five minute news slot, building up until Cecil realised he was effectively co-host with his idol. By the time of Cecil's high school graduation, it was Leonard's name on the studio door but it was usually Cecil inside, reading from scripts he had mostly written himself with Earl's input for some of the community news items.  
They talked about travelling, going to see a different continent together, going away to college together.  
Cecil got personal on air one night when he ran out of pre-written material in the graveyard shift. He enthused about gap years and going away to college, seeing the world, finding out if he and Earl could bring new ideas back to their beloved community.

Night Vale did not want dangerous new ideas from outside.

Nobody saw Cecil bundled into the back of a black sedan while Earl was whisked away in a blue car with blacked out windows.

Earl understood his warning and Scoutmaster was called to collect him after two days. Earl would remember his training, remember his job and pretend to forget. Scoutmasters may not form families of their own, their vocation was to train and protect others, without distraction from duty.

Cecil refused to cooperate. He woke up one morning weeks later in a little apartment on his own, unable to remember how he got there although he knew he wasn't a drinker and had never been tempted by staring into the void. Posters on the wall from exotic places like Luftnarp, Svitz and Franchia surrounded a pin-board covered with tickets and postcards. There was a college guide and a timetable on the table, along with a script and a flyer for a radio show. The flyer had his name on it, _Cecil Gershwin Palmer, the new Voice of Night Vale._  
He held his head for a moment, rubbing at scars and bruises under his spiky hair, frowning. When had he shaved his long hair off? There were no mirrors in the apartment. This made him more at ease.  
Cecil had the feeling that he was forgetting something. Something really important. Something hovering on the fringe between forgotten and remembered, close but always out of reach like a vital fact or formula on exam day. He blinked and it was gone.  
After a quick shower and coffee, Cecil picked up the campus guide and set off for classes.  
He saw a familiar face from the bus window and thought to himself, _"Hey was that Earl Harlan? I wonder how my old schoolfriend is doing. It's such a shame we lost touch."_

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Earl watched over Cecil. He got better. He would not have believed it, but he got over Cecil. The forgetting hurt but after a while, after what felt like decades, Earl could talk about Cecil as an old friend with only the slightest danger of touching on forbidden topics.  
Earl wondered which of them was being punished more. He still listened to Cecil's late show as he fell asleep but after a while it just made him smile.

The first time Earl heard Cecil talk about the new science fellow in town he wanted to hate him. Earl spied on Carlos and his team, suspicious of their true motives. No interloper could be harmless. But however hard he looked for evidence of malign intent, all Earl saw was a slightly confused, bumbling outsider who ought to use his powers of observation to see how lucky he was to have caught Cecil's attention.  
To Earl's continued surprise, the outsider refused to succumb to Night Vale's terrors and convoluted political system, and stayed. Alive, too.

Earl shuddered. He had not been so lucky. But at least he had a chance to speak to Cecil before the void took him, although the expected lack of comprehension on Cecil's face had stung a little.  
Perhaps he was not as _over it_ as he claimed.  
Being alone with his thoughts, possibly dead, he wasn't too clear on that point, gave him time. Earl reflected, thought about himself properly for the first time in years. Asked himself what he would do if he had a second chance.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Earl blinked at the unexpected light.  
There were voices, he realised he had been hearing them for... days? weeks? minutes?  
 _Oh thank the gods, he's responding. He blinked. Earl? Honey? Can you see? Can you hear me?_  
He tried to make sound.  
"Mom?"  
The voice laughed. It was a gentle sound. _No honey, the doctor said you'd be confused and might have forgotten some stuff but we'll get to that when you're able. Just know that we love you._

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Earl had no idea where his family had come from but he believed deep in his heart that they were right together. Looking at the child he estimated that he must be missing at least two years' worth of memories. Earl picked up his child and it giggled at him. What he had once felt for Cecil, what he must have felt for this woman beside him, that was nothing compared to what he felt when he giggled back at the helpless infant in his arms.

Earl heard about Night Vale's horror second hand as friends and family tried to help him rebuild memories he suspected were never formed in the first place. But he was proud of his scouts, those few who remained on patrol. They deserved recognition. They deserved to come back home.

He saw Cecil at the restaurant one day, watched him in the foyer from the door for a moment before nervously going to sit with him and chat.  
He need not have worried. It was still Cecil, still his old best friend, but as if that day hiding from his father in the scout hut... what if he hadn't risked ruining their friendship with that first kiss? What if they had both laughed it off, embarrassed, and forgotten about it?  
Cecil did that thing he used to do that freaked Earl out occasionally. He said his own version of what Earl was thinking about.  
"Earl? I sometimes wonder, we were so close once. What if we had never lost touch? What kind of friends would we be without all those missing years?"  
Earl smiled.  
"Cecil, Scoutmaster once told me that _What ifs_ are a waste of precious thinking time and I agree with him. I got a great recipe for your show if you still want me to come on air with you."

After the show, Earl went home.  
"Hey, I listened. That was good, you two should do that again."  
"Yeah? I will if he asks."  
"You okay? I found this in a box in the attic, it's your old Scout Handbook."  
"Wow! I've not seen that since... well. You tell me. Kid asleep? Can I go in?"  
"Sure, just be real quiet."  
Earl stood silently watching the little chest rise and fall, and planned. He would start up Night Vale Scouts Association all over again, with new rules and a new handbook. He could do that. He would protect Cecil again. It was his job. He [hummed](http://youtu.be/zPQSkQ3EuyI) quietly to himself and thought <i>why not.</i>

He was the Scoutmaster.


End file.
